February tends to be filled with heart-shaped goodies and overpriced bouquets of flowers and for some people these cutesy trinkets are fun. For those who have recently gone through a breakup, they are a harsh reminder of the past. As Valentine’s Day approaches, it’s important to talk about the other side of dating.
While these steps will not completely cure your heartache, they may be able to help you move forward in your journey. After all, is it really college if you have not had your heart ripped out by someone?
Cry.
Step one in the whole process is to just cry. Curl up on your bed or couch, get under a comfy blanket and just cry. More times than not, a good cry will make you feel better.
There is a reason for that. Crying actually has health benefits. When we cry, we release stress and emotional pain that was otherwise holding us down. Emotional tears hold more mood-regulating elements than other types of tears. So, crying will make you feel a tiny bit better.
Take some space.
Repeatedly texting your ex will not make you feel better no matter how much you think it will. Don’t put your energy somewhere that it’s not appreciated. The best course of action is to block them, or at the very least put them on “do not disturb”.
This includes not texting, calling or stalking them on Instagram. Whatever you do, make sure to take some space for yourself. Pay attention to your emotions and feelings, not someone else’s. You are allowed to be selfish for yourself.
Write.
Yes, write things down. Write your ex an angry letter (that you will never mail of course). Or, open a journal and start writing down your feelings at the moment. Journaling has emotional benefits to it that may help you work through your emotions.
Journaling puts you in control and can help you work through some of your feelings so it’s worth a try. A good way to start is by looking into a gratitude journal so that you can sit down once a day and reflect.
Spend time with someone you love.
Being in college, it is important that you do not accidentally isolate yourself. Text a close friend or roommate and get together. Spending time with someone you love will show you that it is not the end of the world and you are still loved.
If the option is available, even going home to your family for a short time may be beneficial to your mental health. It is important to remember that you are not alone and that this breakup does not mean that you have to spend your time all alone now.
Let yourself grieve.
It is easy to want to jump back into a relationship because you miss the feeling of being in love. It is okay to be missing that feeling but it is not a good idea to get into a new relationship fast. Rebounding can lead to even more hurt and postpones the grieving process that you are going through.
Don’t date until you are ready to open your heart again. Take as much time as you need to heal because if you jump in too fast, old problems will resurface and it will only be a temporary satisfaction.
Take care of yourself.
Don’t stop doing your skincare regime. Don’t stop going to class. Don’t stop drinking water. Make sure to be taking care of yourself!
It can become an easy habit to isolate yourself in your bed. But even doing little things like keeping a full water bottle next to you or doing your 10-step skincare routine can make all the difference.
Look at future goals.
While this may feel like the end of the world, it isn’t. Taking a look at your future goals can help ground you. There are bigger and better experiences coming down the road.
If you don’t have any goals, it is a great time to sit down and come up with some.
Do not feel obligated to tell others details.
It’s your personal business and you control who you want to tell. You do not owe everyone a “story.” Even if it may seem that everyone knows or wants to know, it is completely up to you whether you tell them or not.
Get some friends together and have a nice night out (or in).
Take as much time as you need to grieve the relationship. Don’t forget to treat yourself to a fun night though. Hanging out with people you are close to has positive effects on your mood and can pull you out of a funk.
Grab some friends, some popcorn, and a good movie, and have a movie night. Or get together and have an inspired mocktail night.
Understand that it happened for a reason.
You may not want to hear it, but everything happens for a reason. At the moment it’s difficult to see, but it will get better with time. Don’t blame yourself for what happened. Instead, take it as a learning experience and grow from it.
Breakups are not fun, at all. But they teach us about ourselves and most importantly tell us what we don’t want in a partner. The only way to know this is by experience.
To everyone going through a heartbreak right now, just remember that you will be okay and you may not even remember their name in 5 years.