Everybody has someone in their life that exudes confidence. For me, my mom is the first person that comes to mind. She has delivered speeches to countless healthcare groups at universities for awards presentations and each time she steps on stage, the energy in the room positively shifts as everyone becomes enthralled in what she has to say. Although nowhere in my mom’s job description does it include ‘public speaking,’ it has become an integral part of her personal and professional life. She transfers her confidence in herself and her passion for helping others to share her story and influence the lives of others. Most of all, she has instilled in me the importance of confidence but when in doubt, fake it until I make. My mom’s large influence on me and my journey has been so important to me that I want to share some tips that she has given me in hopes that it can help you as well.
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Always dress for comfort, but it is extremely important that you also dress for the occasion. If you’re going to an interview, you should wear a business suit or dress and at the gym you should always wear proper tennis shoes and athletic gear. But, regardless of where you are going or what you are wearing, you need to make sure that you are comfortable. The less you are distracted with your outfit, like fixing a strap or tying your shoes, the more you can direct your energy to the people and events happening around you. The energy from within that you exude from being comfortable in your own clothes is going to overpower your outer appearance. Although it is important to dress for the occasion, people who appear more engaged also come across as more confident than those who are distracted by minuscule annoyances.
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Affirm yourself. One of the most important components of confidence is self-love. Take some time every day to affirm the good things you’ve done, recognize where you’ve excelled, and set a new personal goal for tomorrow. It’s also important to recognize where you fell short and any improvements you can make. The better you know and love yourself, the more confident you will be in your daily interactions.
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Make eye contact. Time and time again, my mom always tells me to keep steady eye contact. This was extremely hard for me when I was young, but I learned a little trick to make myself more comfortable: look between someone’s eyebrows to give the illusion that you’re making eye contact. It is much less intimidating to look just above someone’s nose than directly into their eyes. Over time, you will become more confident in making direct eye contact, but this is a good way to start. Eye contact is key because it shows that you’re engaged in the conversation and demonstrates your respect for what the other person has to say.
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Smile. It seems simple to just smile at someone, but it does a lot more than you expect. Smiling is a physical indication that you’re interested in whatever you’re talking about (even if you’re not). Smiling also prevents the dreaded RBF that so many of us suffer from. Some studies have shown that there is a correlation between pretending to be happy and actually being happy. Just by smiling, you are making a physical gesture that you’re happy, causing a chemical reaction in the brain, similar to that of genuine happiness.
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Act with purpose. When you have a purpose, you naturally appear more confident. People who are disorganized, running around, or displaying physical signs of anxiety in an inappropriate situation appear to be timid or self-doubting. Being intentional about what you do enables you to better understand your passions and discern where you want to go in life. Until you are fully confident in yourself, you can be confident in what you love. If you can be confident in what you’re doing, you will learn to be confident in yourself too.
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Remember that everyone is human. Every person is, in fact, human and everyone knows that making mistakes is a part of life. If you do something embarrassing, like stumble over your words, trip on stage, or even just hiccup mid-sentence (this happens to me more often than not), remember to laugh it off. I’m not saying send yourself into an uncomfortable laughing spell; just say, “My apologies,” or, “Sorry,” and move on. Chances are, whoever you were talking to will forget about it in a few minutes anyway, and guess what? You will too.