Since I was young, I have had a perfectionist personality. I would cry whenever I made a mistake. Whenever I was scolded for doing something wrong, I would feel so bad about myself and wonder why I wasn’t taught to avoid the mistake in the first place. I would always compare myself to people who are better than me, and feel as though I was not good enough as a person.
In school, I would always be hard on myself about my grades. It was hard for me to be happy. I would get angry at myself when I scored less than I thought I would. Appearance-wise, I would wonder why I am not as “pretty” as other girls. If someone accomplished more than I did, I would wonder why I couldn’t achieve the same thing.
Whenever I would get critiqued on something I would always pay more attention to the negative feedback rather than the positive feedback and feel like I was bad at that task. I am always overthinking my past mistakes and wondering why I didn’t do things differently. Every night before bed, I decide to contemplate another mistake.
All this had led me to feeling sad and worthless. Having these thoughts would make it hard for me to be happy. I would always be thinking of ways to make myself a better person.
However, I am trying to make a change!
Some ways I have tried dealing with this strife for an unattainable standard of perfection are thinking of my own accomplishments and how I am unique as a person. Everyone is beautiful and perfect in their own way and we need to recognise this beauty within ourselves. I have also tried spending less or no time on social media each day. This means I stop subconsciously comparing myself to my friends and other social media influencers. I also cherish my genuine friends who accept me for who I am and are always there for me no matter what.
I am not an expert on dealing with this personality of mine, but I am working on it. I have been prioritizing myself and only focusing on me rather than comparing myself to others. What I have learned which has really helped me to change my outlook is that, in this world of 7.4 billion people – there will always be someone prettier than you, richer than you, skinnier, stronger, braver, cleverer (the list goes on), but the most important thing is learning to love and accept yourself, flaws and all! We are all unique, and we are all perfect.