Friendships are simple. It’s our desire to constantly feel validated that makes friendships difficult. Other than family, the relationships we have with our friends are important. After all, they are the people we tell our secrets to, the ones who make our social life happy, and the ones who are constantly cheering us on for success. However, once those friendships stop making us happy, it can really take a toll on our mental health.
It took me a while to put my happiness first. I thought by spoon-feeding my friends what they needed, it would bring me happiness but instead I was depleting my body of the nutrients for a happy heart. For a long time, I didn’t want to lose friends simply because I didn’t want to be alone. I thought those same issues would suddenly disappear if I ignored the problems in certain friendships.
The problems I had in certain friendships started with a crack. Little things my ex-friends would do that I would brush off but at the end of the day still bothered me inside. I would make excuses for their behavior because I didn’t want to risk the friendships. I didn’t want to bring up the problems in conversation because I didn’t want it to look like I was making a big deal out of nothing. At one point I was blaming myself for why my friendship weren’t the same. Over time, the small cracks started to get bigger to the point where it was beyond repair. The tension was so thick not even a knife could cut through it.
By compromising my feelings, I was letting my ex-friends take advantage of me and allowing myself to suffer in silence. I was letting them get away with not inviting me to places because of the tension. I was giving them a free pass to treat me like garbage while I continued to push for our friendships. One thing I learned the hard way was you can’t force people to be friends with you.
In one instance there was a time when I exploded and didn’t let out my emotions out in the healthiest way. My ex-friend sent a message out asking a group of us if we wanted to hang out the next day. I was the first and only person to respond to the message saying I wanted to hang out. I didn’t get a reply. The next day, I found out on social media that my ex-friend was hanging out with other people and didn’t mention it to me. That’s when I knew that it went too far.
Soon I had to realize what I wanted and that was to be happy. I first had to forgive myself. I had to sit, reflect, and realize that I needed to put myself first. To move on from the friendships that weren’t making me happy anymore, I had to slowly distance myself from them. Each time it was never easy. It was especially difficult when I realized the friendships I thought were going to be everlasting turned out to be seasonal.
However, each time I left those friends I found myself happier. I no longer had to excuse their behavior, I no longer had to beg for their attention, and I no longer felt that I wasn’t good enough. Although the friendships are over, they all taught me one thing, what I don’t want in future relationships.
After those friendships ended, I started to break out of my shell by meeting new people. I joined clubs at LaSalle like RSA and SGA, and I met amazing people when I became a resident assistant. I continue to meet new people and friends every day and it’s been great for me. Never limit yourself and fight for your happiness.