The Ugly Side of Self Care

When most people think of self-care they think of the pretty, fun side of it; facemasks, mani-pedi’s, indulging in sweets, such as ice cream, masturbating, or getting new piercings and tattoos. But, it is so much more than that. There is an ugly, uncomfortable side to self-care that will leave you feeling much more rewarded and rejuvenated once accomplished in the long run.


“How do you find self-love? You dig. You isolate and you ache from being lonely. You heal. You accept, you look in the mirror, and see God” – Anon.


Self-care is about confronting issues within yourself, first. Namely, issues that come from your past. Everyone has a past and within that past there are reasons as to why we act the way we do now, as young adults. Some things that happened so long ago that you think you are over, you aren’t. Simply because you do not speak on it or think about it does not mean that you are healed. You are subconsciously bringing those issues into relationships both platonic and romantic. In order to stop that you have to tackle it head on; that could be by going to therapy, writing it down, or having an open and honest conversation with your parents or family members that can help you connect all the dots.


Its realizing that you have toxic traits as well. What are your toxic traits that contribute to relationships, platonic or romantic, not going your way? Yes, sometimes it truly is the other party but, you have to recognize that you played a factor in things going left too. Maybe you don’t communicate as well as you should. Or, when something is bothering you, you don’t bring it up until it’s too late. Maybe, you do not know how to have an open conversation without feeling like the other person is attacking you or getting defensive yourself. While these may seem minor they are in a way, toxic and factor into relationships failing.


Self-care is not always cutting people off or ghosting people. It is having a conversation with that person and letting them know your piece. Where things went wrong for you in the relationships, how you feel/felt, and where you want the relationship to go moving forward. That way, you can stay or leave knowing that you’ve said and done everything that you could.


“With every act of self-care your authentic self gets stronger, and the critical, fearful mind gets weaker. Every act of self-care is a powerful declaration: I am on my side, I am on my side, each day I am more and more on my own side.” – Susan Weiss Berry