To anyone who has bent the spine of my poetry book, my traumas are no secret. Overcoming all that has tried to break me was a feat that required a lot of time, self-love, and patience. My trip to Ireland quickly became the last milestone in a fourteen-year long journey; no other challenge had brought me such inner tranquility or shaped me so drastically. Upon returning home, I made a promise to implement all of what Ireland had brought me into my little home of Kutztown. With how overwhelming college and life can be–at times–my mental health has been spiraling, and I have been finding myself looking to the nostalgia of Ireland for answers. I’ve realized that my growth and healing were born out of fear, a practice that I had forgotten to pack in my luggage. In order to heal and rediscover my mental peace, I took a pledge this week to do one thing each day that scares me.
Monday- Keeping Myself From Isolation
I have a bad habit of isolating myself, even from things that bring me happiness, when I feel overwhelmed. More than I wanted to go to my dart league game, which I’m on a team with my family, I wanted to just lay in bed. Sometimes, taking breaks from things is important, but I had spent too much of my weekend isolating myself. I pushed myself to go to the game, despite how I felt, and the relaxing night with my family improved my mood and gave me a strong start to the week.
Tuesday- Falling In Love (even platonic)
Growing attached to people has always been anxiety-producing for me, so I set aside time on Tuesday night to reach out to all the people that have impacted my life. Going through my contact list, I felt compelled to text a lot more people than I had thought. This was a good reminder that there are actually a lot of people that are important to me. Getting to spread so much love to people in my life warmed my heart, and everyone I texted had a similar response back. Hearing about how much impact I’ve had in other people’s lives reassured my sense of purpose in the world. I went to bed that night feeling loving and loved, giving me a more optimistic outlook on life.
Wednesday- Forgiving Myself
I’ve never been the kind of person that can move on from past mistakes. I learn from them but still beat myself up over them. On Wednesday, I sat down and wrote a letter to myself, forgiving little mistakes and large ones and reminding myself that it is okay not to feel happy all the time. Taking time to write everything down made it feel a lot more real and helped me to relax on my self-perceptions. The letter helped me to find a more healthy balance between self-appreciation and self-criticism.
Thursday- Trying a New Food, Learning Something New
I have always hated change, especially when it comes to food, so I decided to try a jalapeno and an aloha pepper. The only way I could describe the taste of an aloha pepper is the pepper equivalent of a sour patch kid; thought I really enjoyed both and I am excited to incorporate them into my diet. Pushing myself to try something new, even though it scared me, was a really good exercise in pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone. It helped to remind myself of that inner peace that Ireland brought me. Since my roommate and her friend were there, the experience also gave me a memory rooted only in my self-growth and own happiness, a memory I didn’t realize I needed so much.
I also ended up fully learning how to drive a stick shift car, which was both a fun and terrifying experience. It helped to further all that the jalapeño did, though.
Friday- Being Fully Present
Similar to isolating myself from people, I also tend to recoil into myself and isolate from the world. On my walk home from classes, I kept my phone in my pocket and pushed myself to actually absorb the world around me. I smiled at the people I passed, and their smiles back brought more light and simplicity in my day. We live in such a beautiful, strange place, and it’s important to take time to appreciate that. The walk also grounded a lot of what I was feeling, and I was able to finish the week feeling much more stable, stronger, and happier.
All in all, the week was a good exercise in self-care. Setting aside time to do small things each day allowed me to feel more rested and connected with myself. It was also a manageable way to continue the growth I experienced in Ireland. While I don’t think it is sustainable for me to continue this every single day with something new, I can continue to push myself to be present and appreciative of everyone and everything around me, which I intend to do. At the beginning of the week, I felt drained and purposeless, but by the end of the week, I felt genuinely happier and not only ready to, but also excited to, conquer all my goals.