A Fat Laugh

It’s odd how lately I’ve had conversations with people about body image. Some say they are too skinny, but I mostly hear about how people are feeling too fat. I’m not going to lie, I’m fat. I’m overweight, and it would be a healthy decision to lose weight. But it’s not that easy. I have no desire to go to a gym where I’ll feel insecure. It’s hard to dedicate part of my time to working out and finding the effort to live a healthier life style. I applaud everyone who puts in the effort to change and improve their lifestyle in any way.

I could list thousands of reasons why it’s hard to lose weight in college, but it’s hard to no matter where you are in life. I know many people who go to the gym. What they are doing is amazing, and I would love to do it with them. I would love to prove to those people who laughed, commented, and teased me about my weight that I am beautiful. Just because I say I’m fat does not mean I’m saying I’m ugly. If I were to lose weight, it shouldn’t be proof to those bullies. The proof should come from who I am because I was, am, and will always be beautiful.

Over time, there has been change and improvement with positivity towards body image, but there hasn’t been enough. Summer is ending and the holiday season is right around the corner. The holiday season is wonderful because it gives a reason to people to feel better about eating. I remember in the beginning of the summer how much negativity is around eating the wrong foods. Everyone was talking about their summer-bod needing to be ready because of summer. I, on the other hand, believe that my summer-bod has been ready all year. I am beautiful no matter what season it is. Yes, I have insecurities about my body image, and yes, I would love to be skinny, not have to go to the plus-size section to find clothes or feel embarrassed by saying I wear a size XL. However, it’s not that easy for me or for a lot of people. I am happy, but I am not always confident.

My weight is not a conscious choice. I didn’t wake up one day and think, “Today is the day I’m going to be fat.” No, this happens over time. I would love to wake up one day and say, “Today is the day I’m going to be skinny.” Again, it’s not that easy. I can’t decide to suddenly be skinny. If it was that easy, I would wake up skinny, a millionaire, and with my dream job. If you want anything in life, you need to work for it.

Now, some things come easier to other people. It would be nice to have a metabolism that lets me have a smaller waist and a large appetite, and it would be nice to enjoy working out. It’s hard to push myself just one day to go swimming or take an extra walk around campus. It’s not that I don’t want to lose weight or be healthier. I don’t want to be forced to go to the gym or have someone who is skinnier than me, give me tips on how to lose weight. I don’t want advice I didn’t ask for when it concerns my body image. I am conscious of how I look, and I don’t always want to change how I look. Some days I want to tell people I am overweight because it proves to people that being plus-size isn’t a bad thing.

I am fat. I do not want people to tell me, “no, you’re not fat” because they are just lying. My entire body has fat surrounding it. I have a nice comfy cushion for when I fall. The stigma around the word fat needs to end. Everyone has fat. If you don’t have any fat, you just aren’t human, or you’re dead. There will always be a percentage of your body that is fat. My percentage is just higher than what it should be; I’ve scored above average for my body fat. People should feel beautiful no matter their body type. They should be proud of the skin that they are in. People that are skinny still have insecurities just like people who are plus-size or anywhere in-between. Everyone has insecurities.

Of course, there are things about my body that I would love to change. I have tried to lose weight before, and I will, no doubt, try again. I have stretch-marks. I chaff on hot days or when I wear certain clothes. Part of my body wiggles when I walk. Yet, somehow, I still find a reason to smile and laugh every day. My body shape and size should never define my happiness or anyone’s happiness. It should never affect a friendship or a relationship. I hate the feeling you get when you think you’re out of someone’s league because you are too fat for them. I also hate being told by guys, “I’m into thick girls,” or “thick thighs save lives.” Telling me that you are into me because I am fatis a turn off. It does not make me feel good. Don’t get me wrong the saying, “thick thighs save lives,” is an amazing saying, but it should never be used as a pick-up-line. The way someone looks will always play a part in finding someone attractive, but I want to feel beautiful not heavy.

I don’t care who is thinner than me or bigger than me. I am not jealous of those that are skinnier than me. I do not want to be them. I am proud of who I am and wouldn’t want to be anyone else but me. I should never be excluded because of my weight. I should never be included because of my weight. Weight should never be a factor, but somehow it always seems to play too big of a role in life. I want to see body positivity. I want to feel body positivity. I want to yell to the world that I am fat and not have to worry about a reaction. Being fat is not a restriction. I am not weak. I am not any less of a person. I am not more of a person. I do not have a bigger personality. I am not sick. I am happy. I am healthy. I am smart. I am beautiful. Being fat does not affect who I am. It does not change my personality, my morals, or my beliefs. I am fat, and I am beautiful. Deal with it.