I’ve always been a people pleaser.
I’ve always been the first person to say yes, the first to drop everything and help someone in need. I’ve also never been the person to prioritize my own wants, needs or feelings first in front of someone else.
These few personality traits have led me to realize that I need to learn to be selfish. Selfish has a negative connotation as a word, and a lot of people would never admit they were being selfish, or that they need to be. However, being selfish isn’t as bad as it’s cracked up to be.
Without being selfish you’ll constantly be used as someone’s doormat, and I can promise you that. For years, I’ve done nothing but be emotionally and physically present whenever someone needed me to be and honestly, it’s exhausting. I’ve had to learn the hard way that no matter what, no one will give me the dedication and loyalty I’ve given to them.
It’s an awful lesson to learn, coming to terms with the reality that the people you love and care about more than anything in the world would never do the same to you. However, it’s important to note that not everyone is capable of reciprocating that energy. I don’t blame the people in my life, I just realize that they don’t hold the capacity to care that deeply.
The biggest lesson to learn is to be selfish. I’ve started saying no more frequently when I genuinely don’t have time, or when I’m uninterested. I’ve started setting down boundaries I wouldn’t have set before. I’ve separated space for myself to recharge and reset.
All of these new practices have helped me recover. It’s mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting to give everything you can to whoever will take it. There’s only so much giving you can do before you completely run out of everything, even for yourself.
I couldn’t take care of myself mentally, emotionally or physically because I was too concerned with the people around me and how they were doing. I was constantly asking myself if they were mad at me, if I did enough for them, and was trying to go out of my way to give even more.
You can’t do it all, no one can. That fact isn’t something to be embarrassed by or feel bad about. Truthfully, if you learn that lesson quickly it’ll save you a lot of heartbreak. I wish I would’ve learned that reality earlier in life. I could have been better to myself on so many different levels.
So, be selfish for yourself. There’s a definite difference between being selfish in a kind way, and selfish in a mean-spirited way. Being selfish for yourself is doing yourself a favor. Being selfish irrationally forces a negative impact on everyone around you. As soon as you learn the difference, I promise you’ll thank yourself.