The effects of toxic positivity and how to respond accordingly
Phrases like “look on the bright side,” “it could be worse,” and “just be positive” are all phrases that everyone has heard a number of times. While the person saying these things may mean well, it often does nothing to help the situation. In fact, more often than not, it has a negative impact on the person being told this when they were likely having a hard time already. This is what may be referred to as toxic positivity, something that many people don’t even know they are doing because it is so ingrained from such a young age to be grateful for what you have and to be positive whenever given the chance. However, this contributes to making people ashamed for feeling anything other than happy and guilty for talking about or showing genuine feelings in the first place. Believe it or not, being told to just “get over it” doesn’t actually help most situations. Rather, it dismisses/invalidates emotions, creates feelings of isolation, and may even weaken your bond by creating a sense of insecurity.
Something else to take into consideration is the fact that you may not realize the entirety of the situation; more could have happened that this person is not telling you, or outside factors could be contributing to their current state. That’s why you should respond with empathy and understanding, trying to work through the issue or to just hear out what they need to say (not everyone wants to hear a solution). Try to be nonjudgemental, validate their feelings with phrases such as “that does sound difficult, is there anything I can do to help?” or “I can totally understand why you are feeling this way, I am here if you need anything at all”.
It isn’t always going to be easy, but remember the intentions you had when you wanted to tell them to be positive. These new approaches are coming from the same well-wishing place, only they are meant to treat this situation more empathetically and hopefully more effectively.
