Being an adult is the most difficult thing I’ve had to do over the last school year. There are many tasks I find myself having to complete, but obviously not without a phone call to Mom. Often times, after hanging up the phone with my parents I ask myself a pretty serious question: “Why didn’t I learn this in high school?!”
High school does a fantastic job of teaching us the Pythagorean Theorem, the Krebs Cycle, and many such topics that are interesting, and relatively useless in everyday life. Last I looked when my “check engine” light turned on, it wasn’t to warn me of the relation to three sides of a right triangle.
Without further ado I present to you “7 Valuable Lessons High School Failed to Teach Us”:
1. How to live off $2.76 for the next week and a half
In all honesty, I’m sure it isn’t just me who has an addiction to shopping. In high school I was blessed to have two parents who would put food on the table even when I didn’t have money. My mother would even secretly go shopping with me and put it on her card so my dad wouldn’t find out. Yet, the problem doesn’t lie in my shopping obsession. It lies in the fact that high school did not go over the chapter in our economics book that teaches us how to ration out a very small budget that could sustain me, while also being able to occasionally shop.
2. How to avoid being cat-called
Throughout this first year of college I have experienced my fair share of cat-calls, as well as throughout all of my teenage year. And yet, this isn’t my fault, and it seems almost never truly avoidable. High school should have a class specifically to teach young men how not to behave.
3. How to pay taxes
This one is still confusing to me. Luckily, my dad still does my taxes, but seriously what would happen, if he didn’t? High school didn’t even run through the basics. I can’t even imagine sitting at my computer attempting to do taxes. I would rather just be convicted of tax evasion than sit in agony trying to figure it out.
4. How to fix *fill in the blank*
Time to be real and personal with all of you: I have never ever in my entire life picked up any form of tool besides a hammer. (Do not ask me to tell you the story about the hammer.) So as you can imagine, I am more than likely never going to fix anything, and even if school taught me, I probably still wouldn’t.
5. How to jump a car
This is one thing that has yet to happen to me. I have never been somewhere where my vehicle did not start, knock on wood. I’m not even 100% sure how my car works, so I will continue calling my dad or befriend a mechanic. Nonetheless, it is something that we should have learned in school, just in case.
6. How to party
All right, I admit it. Going out with new friends and dancing is one of my favorite parts of college. I have my mother’s genetics, after all, but this isn’t about me. This one is for people like my boyfriend. The kind of people who hold your jacket and watch you dance, then lowkey freak out when you awkwardly make eye contact with them. There should be a class offered at high school called College Prep (between 9pm-2am). This way people can learn the ins and outs of how to not look like they’re miserable at a party.
7. How to eat cleanly
One of the struggles of being a freshman is coming face to face with the dining hall. Lucky for me, I have a food allergy which steers me away from all fried food. I can only imagine the struggle of seeing chicken nuggets, burgers, pizza, and ice cream all within reaching distance. High school should have really helped build up some resistance in our young appetites.
Honestly, there are a million more things that could find its way on this list. High school may have never prepared us for these things, but honestly I can’t even be mad because college is not teaching us either. High school did teach us plenty of things and has even pointed some of us in the direction of our future careers and lives. So, thank you high school for what you actually did teach us.
… but start teaching men morality and college party prep, please and thank you.