On a random Sunday, I stared at my worn-out diaries sitting on the shelf. I have written too much. Too many pages have been soiled by my pens. They held even the tiniest, most fleeting interactions alongside detailed accounts of the people I had met and the places I had been to. Depending on my mood, some entries would be written in an elaborate display of calligraphy and doodles, while most, I must admit, would be illegible and filled with my hasty scrawls. Since I made it my mission to remember everything, I had accumulated around eighteen diaries and two junk journals in the span of four years. Yet looking at them then, a question which lurked in my mind for the longest time returned back to the spotlight.
Why did I write it down?
Recording our existence is one of the things we have followed religiously since the times of cave paintings, where we did our best by immortalizing our handprints. As someone whose greatest fear is forgetting, keeping diaries, reassures me that everything I experienced has a physical record. For me, these pages are absolute proof that my memories were real and weren’t just a figment of my imagination. One way or another, I have managed to save the tidbits of my past through crumpled pages and digital apps. But still I couldn’t help wondering why I had stayed consistent in this habit of regularly jotting down thoughts and moments.Â
It was only as I finished my latest entry that realization flooded me. I had grown so accustomed to the overwhelming feeling of relief of completely pouring my opinions and perspectives inside the diary, that I had begun subconsciously associating the habit with its reward, the solace it offered.Â
The more I wrote, the more I processed everything happening around me better. It would instantly make me feel lighter, and my mind clearer. My brain would be less cluttered and because of that, I would focus better during my tasks afterward. For instance, spending just five minutes making mind maps of my thoughts helped me concentrate on the day’s work.
I personally write down things in general because it grounds me. It could be study notes, to-do lists, speeches and even items I might need from the supermarket. I only feel organized and in control if I have it spelled out on a piece of paper. During projects, I genuinely suffer if I don’t write down my presentation from scratch even though I rarely end up reading from it. But surprisingly, whenever I have a bad day or suffer from a multitude of emotions, I rarely touch my papers. Instead, I sleep. It gives me time to process what happened, and once my feelings settle, I write them down.
Everyone handles emotions in their own way and diaries are a useful and versatile tool to navigate those feelings. It could be used as a medium to vent out repressed feelings such as anxiety, sadness and especially anger to avoid stress and mental fatigue It could also be used as a record of their journey of self-discovery, helping them to explore their desires, fears and ambition, or for brainstorming, sketching and scribbling concepts, engaging their imagination and creativity.
Thus, eighteen diaries and two junk journals later, I can finally put my question to rest. AÂ diary is for you to record your life, to unload your chaotic thoughts, to make sense of your identity, to be disciplined, and even more depending on your needs and wants. And whether you write with a pen, a keyboard, or on the back of a grocery receipt, I hope you find a dedicated space to release what weighs your mind by writing it down.Â