“What most people fear when they think of old age is the inability to make new friends.” —Henry Miller, Sextet: Six Essays
As children, so many things in life are already set for us like a home, a family, a roof over our heads and friends to play with. Friendship is something that has always been a part of life from the very start, like the friends we went to school with, made toys with and played with in parks. It all started with one conversation: “Do you want to join me?” This is a very natural process, as human beings are social animals and need people around them.
It was really that easy, with one simple line being enough for children to become friends and invite each other home. Factors like parents, neighbourhoods, classes, hobbies, games and tuitions brought us together naturally. It was a beautiful phase of life when adulthood and reality had not struck us yet, and life felt like rainbows and sunshine. However, as we grew up, the same familiar faces who once lived a minute away became people hours away, and life began to catch up with everyone. Until school, we had our school friends, our society friends, our classmates and even our parents’ friends’ children.
However, the once familiar faces can also become strangers, and the familiar paths we once played on can seem unknown. Some friendships blossom and some do not, but it is all a part of life. The ones that stay through it all, through celebrations and grief, are the ones we learn to value. This does not mean that talking to many people or socialising is wrong; networking also becomes important. We simply become more selective about whom we let into our circle.
We meet people in college, at work, during internships and through mutual friends, yet finding a genuine connection can feel harder than it did when we were younger. We have our own experiences, and we learn that getting along with someone does not necessarily mean we will become close to them. We begin to notice who makes an effort, who checks up on us without needing a reason and who makes us feel comfortable enough to be ourselves. There is a difference between having people to spend time with and having people we can genuinely count on. Building that kind of friendship needs space, time and trust.
The best things sometimes come in the most unexpected ways like the friend you randomly connect with after years of being in the same school but had never spoken to before. The stranger who helps you in an emergency or someone you meet at a later point in life.
Friendship is not always about going out, making plans or having something exciting to talk about. Sometimes, it is having someone to call after a terrible day, the people you can sit with even in pin drop silence, those who uplift each other to do better or sending your friend a voice note on your way home or having someone who will listen to you complain about the same thing for the tenth time.
But friendships, like any other relationship, need effort too. Growing up means that meeting your friends is no longer going to be walking over to their house or seeing them every day in class. It means trying to find a date when everyone’s schedules match, rescheduling dinner because someone has a deadline and sometimes going months without seeing a friend who lives in another city. Staying friends does not have to mean talking every single day. It can be calling someone randomly or sending them a picture of something that reminded you of an old memory.
However, every friendship has a different journey, and not all friendships last forever. It can feel strange to realise that someone you once spoke to every day is now someone you have to catch up with before you can even begin telling them what has happened in your life. But I do not think every friendship that ends has to be viewed as something wrong. Sometimes, school ends, people move away or two friends who once had everything in common find themselves living completely different lives. It is the memories and moments spent together that become a part of who we are today.
Maybe that is what making friends as an adult feels like. It is not just about meeting new people, but about being willing to let them in, finding people we feel comfortable being ourselves around and making time for the connections that matter.
Sometimes, we have to find time, even if it is just an hour or a ten minute phone call. Years from now, we probably will not remember every busy day or every deadline we stressed over, but we will remember the friends who showed up, the conversations that lasted hours and the plans we made just to spend a little more time together. I definitely believe that one of the most beautiful parts of life is finding people who make a space feel better, less lonely and more like home as home is never about the place but the people.