I’m a pretty positive person. I think that at the end of the day, the arc of time bends towards justice, people are ultimately good, and we live in a wonderful, beautiful world. But, some things are not great. Some people are not kind. There are moments that are not wonderful. And acknowledging that, talking about that, is important.
My mom used to tell me: “If you have nothing nice to say, say nothing at all.” It was a statement that annoyed me then, and it annoys me now too. Yes, be kind—to a degree. When someone has disappointed you, you’re allowed to be disappointed. You’re allowed to tell them you’re disappointed. And, for goodness sakes, you’re allowed to be angry. Anger is so vilified, especially in women, but anger doesn’t come from nowhere. If you’re angry, be angry. I don’t mean go destroy things, but acknowledge that what you feel is anger. Wishy-washy passive “niceness” does nobody any good. Address how you feel head on.What I mean by “Wishy-washy passive niceness” is this kind of generally positive attitude that we feel a need to add to everything. Rather than being frank, we soften our thoughts and feelings so that they’re more pleasant for others. Or, we choose not to think deeply about things, and we accept them as good as a default. But good isn’t the default. Good should be an honor.
I think part of what really frustrates me is that the “everything-is-great” attitude takes away from the truly great moments. I’m not one to argue that it’s a question of comparison, that a day is only good because we compare it to bad days. I think that’s nonsense. What I do think is we should be precise and careful with the value we assign to things, so we know how we TRULY feel. For example, I love books. But, I don’t love all books, and I’m not afraid to say I don’t like a book. Thus, when I think to myself, “This is a great book,” or I say that to someone else, it really means something. It’s not just an okay book that through “positive energy” I’ve called great. No. It’s great to me because that’s how I feel about it. Great is an honor I’ve given to this book, distinguishing it from other books.We should all try our best to be generally happy. We should all look for the good in life, the good in people, the good in everyday moments, and the good in everything else. But, looking for the good should not mean ignoring the bad. If someone is constantly making you feel bad about yourself, if they are cruel or manipulative, then the fact that they also happen to be a great musician, or that they once told you you looked nice doesn’t deny the fact that they’re not a good person.
Be happy. Be cheerful. You can be both while still acknowledging the mediocre and crappy parts of life. If we pretend that everyone is wonderful and everything is great, we deny ourselves the real opportunity to appreciate the great moments, and the great people. And we deny ourselves the ability to truly feel things.
So, go out there and really FEEL the world. Some parts suck, but most of it is really great. And, you can acknowledge and live in both.