We are back in business. If it isn’t happening to you, it’s happening around you. The spring semester starts a lot quicker than the fall. Forget syllabus week—after your first introductory class period you’re spending hours in the library pouring over readings and already outlining your first essays. Your planner is filled with meetings and exam days and there are still people you haven’t seen since before winter break. When you finally catch a second to breathe at the lunch table, all you have to say is “I’m tired.”
Everyone is tired. College is tiring. The process of going to classes, organizing your schedule, doing your homework, doing your laundry, making time to see friends and get sleep is exhausting. You thought you were going to ease into the semester like in the fall when the weather was good so you could justify hanging out on the lawn instead of holing up in the library. With little to no end in sight, the beginning of spring semester can certainly look daunting.
I’m not here to tell you that you’re not tired. Heck, I’m tired. However, probably the worst thing in the world besides being tired is talking about how tired you are. Want to know why? The truth is, no one cares.I’m sorry to be harsh, but it’s the reality. I love my friends dearly, but quickly our conversations turn from talking about our days to competitions about who has the most work. The norm these days in response to “How are you” is “I’m tired.” We talk about how much work we have as mundanely as discussing the weather.
You may be asking yourself, Ari, why is this such a bad thing? Because, dear readers, negativity is contagious. When you sit with your friends and talk about how late you were up the night before doing your reading and how you slept through your alarm and how all you want to do is take a nap…you’re fueling a perpetuation of negativity. It’s accepting venting as a standard behavior that is acceptable to do on a regular basis. Instead of using your friends as motivation to lift yourself up, you use each other as voids into which you shout all your frustrations. All that will result in you probably feeling worse about your issues and your friends being annoyed. When someone asks you how you’re doing, it’s not an opportunity to unload your baggage. Leave that for late night ice cream venting sessions, crying to your mom on the phone, and journaling. Responding to the question “How are you” isn’t an invitation for you to tell me how you’re so much busier than me. It is me trying to be polite, hoping that you’ll return the exchange.
Now obviously, it isn’t healthy to bury your emotions. If you really are feeling overwhelmed, maybe see if one of your friends has a good organization technique. Ask your roommate if she’s ever had the professor who’s giving you trouble. Talk to your advisor about your course load and whether you’re putting too much on your plate. See a trend here? We need to move away from large, unhelpful overgeneralizations like “I’m tired and stressed” and towards proactive ways of overcoming our problems. As I’ve said before, we’re all tired and stressed. We’re college students. We all have our respective burdens and responsibilities and anxieties.
And I’ll let you in on a little secret—negative language has its consequences. Studies show that the more you use negative language, the more it makes you feel, well, negative. So if you continuously respond with “I’m stressed” or “I’m tired,” the more stressed and tired you’ll feel.
The way that we talk about our lives and ourselves has a huge impact on how we feel and how our lives actually progress. Consequently, our language can then affect our friends. So instead of stressing yourself and your friends out by venting about how stressful the semester is, turn it into a positive. Have a huge amount of homework? Get your friends together and have a productive study session and reward yourselves later. Had a bad morning? Listen to a good song and shake it off before you meet the group.
Saying that you are stressed and tired should not be the normal, automatic response that you have. Instead of creating a “cult of busy,” find a more positive way to vocalize your feelings. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, say you’re productive—it’ll probably excite your friends and you’ll have a chance to talk about a project you’re working on without the negativity. If you pulled an all-nighter, down a cup of coffee and maybe take the time to simply listen to your other friends so that you can wake up a little bit. By saving these statements for actually dire, serious situations, your friends won’t think you’re constantly crying wolf. And you’ll in turn actually feel less stressed and tired. Win win.
Image Credit: Annmarie Morrison, Giphy