Welcome to Kenyon! ~fireworks~ By now, all of y’all have chosen/attended your classes, set up your rooms (or if you’re like me, opted to stay packed for as long as possible), found at least one person you can halfway tolerate (aka a “friend”), and met your hallmates. This is where high school ends and college begins, and you’re on your own.
HOWEVER: The least I can do is give some sisterly “advice”. I was *wistfully stares into the sun, hurting her eyes* once a freshman, navigating around campus and getting lost in the science quad (twice). I am also a self-proclaimed genius. So, listen up.
Disclaimer: Some of it may not be advice, just wise words from the same girl who didn’t realize that red, yellow, and green bell peppers are the same pepper that are just at different stages of ripening. Read at your own risk.
I will divide this article into 3 sections: Academics, Health, and Fun Stuff. Read all, or read one. It’s on you.
ACADEMICS
-
Invest in a planner! Track your courses, gym dates, meetings, radio shows, therapy sessions, frat parties, and special events! School is not just about learning specifics for your major, it’s also about developing a work ethic for the jobs you want. If you’re as disorganized as I am (it’s hard to be worse; I am a total mess), a planner will change your life. It’s the only thing that keeps me functioning.
-
Take the course for the professor. I cannot tell you this enough. You will HATE learning from someone you dislike. A great professor helps students who are otherwise uninterested in a subject learn to love it. A professor who is passionate means everything. Do NOT take a course because it’s an easy A.
-
How you did in high school compared to other people is irrelevant. You are all equals. I couldn’t care less that you made Honor Roll every semester; you go to school with me, we both got into Kenyon and we both deserve to be here.
-
You will get Bs and Cs. And you will fail some tests. Your teacher will not think less of you, and one test will not affect the rest of your life. It’ll sting, but it’s your responsibility to actually learn from those mistakes.
-
Teachers will be more impressed with the C+ student who tries his/her hardest to understand what he/she’s learning than with the A+ student who forgets the lecture after cramming for the exam.
-
If you cannot make it to class for some reason, let your teachers know. You may still get in trouble for missing a lecture (though some teachers allow a few missed days), but apologizing will show your professors that you care enough to feel bad.
-
Get friendly with at least one professor. It could be your advisor, or your chem teacher, or your friend’s boyfriend’s Arabic teacher. Then, if you need help, there’s always an adult you can turn to.
-
I recommend writing your notes. You will retain information better.
-
Do not buy your books new. It’s waste of money and paper. Renting is the best option, or buy used if you have to.
HEALTH
-
YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING BEFORE YOU ARE A STUDENT. So, sleep like a human being, eat like a human being, function like a human being. If you have a test at 8 am and are only halfway done studying at 12 AM… then do a bit more review, cut your losses, and go to bed. Sleeping will make you perform better than cramming.
-
There is the Freshman 15, and then there’s the Freshman -15. I went from healthy fencer athlete body to heroin chic in a month and a half because I wasn’t eating properly.
-
Speaking of which: don’t do heroin. There’s an opiate crisis in Ohio.
-
There’s a wonderful Counseling Center at Kenyon. Utilize it. A lot of you will need it. I needed it. I utilized it.
-
“Condoms Condoms Condoms Condoms.” – My lady doctor. Not just for birth control, but also for STI prevention.
-
If you wanna dress comfy, then dress comfy. Fancy clothing will start to dissipate, and it will drop off come October. If you wanna dress nicely, then dress nicely. Just take pride in what you’re wearing.
-
Leave your room. Call your mom. Be a social human being.
-
No sex in the showers, but wear flip flops just in case.
-
You are a combination of your five closest friends. Make sure that at least 3 of them are not fuck-ups.
-
DO NOT. DO HEROIN. Oh my god. Don’t do it.
FUN STUFF
-
I’m not gonna lie to you: college is hard and stressful and long and sometimes lonely for a good 5 days of the week. What makes college worth it? The 2 days of shenanigans that you either partake in or watch amusedly from the sidelines.
-
I recommend watching AT LEAST one band perform at the Horn Gallery.
-
Make safe decisions, but have fun. Don’t “pregame the pregame.”
-
Make sure you have a place to sleep and/or a way home.
-
Waking up in a bed that you wanted to wake up in is the best thing in the world.
-
Some of you will have a walk of shame. Almost everyone won’t give a shit. I have done one from the New Apts to Manning Hall, and it felt great.
-
“Treat em mean, keep em keen” does not work at Kenyon. If you’re interested in someone, don’t be ashamed to show that.
-
There are other people on this campus who also want a relationship. There are other people on this campus who just want a one night stand.
-
Get a job. Or, apply for one.
-
Do not spend your money too liberally. It will go fast.
-
Graham Gund is our Lord and Savior. Every Sunday (or Gunday), we do a blood sacrifice in front of the Athletic Center to keep our swimmers in peak form.
-
That last bullet point is probably not true; however, our swimming (and diving: hi, Ryder!) team is very good and you should make an effort to watch them. Go Lords.
-
You will most definitely run into the people you slept with on Middle Path: make sure it’s the kind of person you don’t mind seeing again.
-
If you are a virgin: great. If you’re not: great. If you give anyone hate for being either of these two things: fuck you.
-
Campus Safety is your friend. Mr. Sheriff is not. One wants you to be safe, the other is a police officer and will get you in trouble. And, do not steal Campus Safety’s golf carts.
-
Drugs are easy to come by at Kenyon, but no one will force you to take anything you don’t want to. If someone does, they aren’t worth your time.
-
Don’t feel like you need to join a “friend group” of anything. That shit dissolves like sugar in water after the first semester.
-
If you have an LDR, really make sure you’re ready to commit to the pain it could cause you.
-
There is a skunk. And a family of raccoons. Don’t mistake them for cats like I do.
-
Being yourself is better than being what you think is perfect. My best friend wrote that. Isn’t she cute?
-
If you do not like someone, save everyone some time and don’t hang out with them.
-
A good 80% of people at Kenyon are left-leaning. It’s okay if you’re not. Just respect people’s differing political beliefs.
-
Remember those 2 fuck-up friends I said you could have in the Health section of this article? If they’re being dangerous, call ‘em out on it.
-
If you are one of those fuck-up friends, own it. I am also one of those friends.
-
Social life does not need to revolve around fraternities or sororities here, but it totally can if you want it to.
-
The lovely security man in the Newark airport told me: “College is just four years, but men are around forever!” You don’t need to find the one right away, you have time after school.
-
Pet the doggos, but be respectful. Doggo spaces are important!
-
Ditto for the cats.
-
“Townies” are not goddamn savages. They are people (very nice ones). You might not see eye to eye with a few of their political/social views, but they are still worth being polite to.
-
Your car can and will be booted, so be smart where you park.
-
If you don’t like your room, roommate, hall, and/or hallmates, tell your CA, that’s their job.
-
Be Excellent To Each Other, And Party On.
-
Sign up for radio, clubs, athletics, or special courses. Do something, not everything is school.
-
Follow this advice, or don’t, but keep at least some of it in mind. These 4 years are important. Make sure you can look back on this time and be okay with it.
And don’t do heroin.
Image Credit: Feature,1,2,3,4,5