Dear everyone who has ever called me cute,
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You know what else is cute? That puppy in the Facebook video you just shared, the gourmet cupcake that you Instagrammed yesterday, and your cousin’s newborn child. Cute things are small. They’re fragile. They’re innocent. When someone thinks of cute, they don’t think of something that is capable or multidimensional. They don’t think of an adult.
I once had class with a boy who thought I was just “the cutest thing ever.” To him, I was a naive little girl who was so adorable when she tried to do grown up things. I’m an avid knitter, and when I brought some of my knitting materials to class one day, he proceeded to yell: “Aww, Jenna, that’s just the cutest thing ever!” It was as if he saw me not as a peer, but as a child who was trying to make it to his level, to climb up and be as mature and worldly as him.
It’s incredibly frustrating to know that I’m viewed as lesser simply because of my “cute” appearance. As a short girl, I am even more conscious of this because my height already predisposes me to look young—and if to be young is to be cute, then I’m already halfway there.
And I don’t care how many times you want to tell me that “it’s supposed to be a compliment,” because here’s the thing: I know that many of you don’t consciously see me or treat me as inferior, but “cute” brings that connotation with it. It stuffs all of my accomplishments and interests into a small little box wrapped in a bow—so cute! It belittles me to a point where I simply can’t be taken as seriously.Â
Not only that, but for me it’s just a constant reminder of all of my own insecurities. For years I always got, “But Jenna, cute girls are attractive too.” Let’s be honest folks, all it really means is “Yeah, I guess you’re also pretty, just not in a way that I find appealing.” Don’t get me wrong—I’m not looking for you to tell me I’m hot, but a cute girl certainly isn’t as gravitating as a beautiful one.
I spent much of my adolescence wishing I could be older and more captivating, but now that I’m older, I’m still only viewed as a child. You can remind me as many times as you want that it’s what’s on the inside that counts, but if you will continue to judge my maturity based on my outward appearance, then I must respectfully disagree. Being deemed cute undermines my ability to be taken seriously, and it detracts from my other talents and abilities.
So friends, let’s cross this “cute” nonsense off of our list of acceptable compliments because for real: it isn’t one. You could truly use any other word to compliment me, and I would be happy. Seriously, call me dorky or weird, or tell me I look like a potato. I don’t care. Just stop calling me cute.
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Sincerely Yours,
Jenna