As 2019 comes to a close, I find myself with a lot to reflect on from the last 6 months. I was fortunate enough to spend the last 4 months studying abroad in Florence, Italy and have had so many amazing experiences. I have documented my travels on social media the entire time I was abroad, and it can seem from the outside that my trip was perfect. However, traveling the world comes with taking a lot of pictures, and the small snapshots of the good moments do not tell the whole story.
Beginning my study abroad experience, I was fresh off a painful breakup and struggling a lot with my mental health. I found myself not wanting to go on this incredible journey, despite knowing that getting away on my own was the best thing I could do for myself. I refused to let my anxiety stop me though and held it together enough to travel overseas. Once I arrived in Florence, I was having panic attacks and feeling very depressed for the first couple of weeks I was there. From Instagram though, you would only see me smiling in the new places I was visiting. The pictures didn’t show all the calls home to my mother and the tears of heartbreak while trying to figure out a new country. During this time I began to see a therapist that worked with Kent State in Florence, and I finally started to acclimate more to Italy. It was when I visited Paris about a month into my time abroad that I began to feel truly happy about being away for the semester. My anxiety was getting much better and I continued to adjust to Italy and traveling to other countries throughout October.
I also started to be more open with my friends about my struggles being abroad and many could relate to them. They agreed they also felt a pressure to keep their problems to themselves while they were traveling and didn’t feel their struggles were valid. “It’s one big vacation, right? What do we have to be upset about?” It became easier for all of us to get through the hard times once we were honest about how we were feeling.
It was November when I started to feel low and homesick again, having a hard time experiencing the holidays away from home. I just wanted to finish out the semester and come home, and balancing classes and travel was getting stressful. My parents visiting for Thanksgiving had a huge impact on my mood and gave me one last burst of motivation to finish the semester. Showing my parents around the city, I began to feel more attached to Florence and sad to leave. I had never fallen in love with living in Florence like some of my classmates did, and it took me longer to appreciate the city. The last few weeks were stressful but some of my favorites, as we said goodbyes to new friends and made the most of our time left in Florence.
My entire experience abroad was a huge growth period for me, and I learned more about myself and who I want to be. As cliche as it sounds, I did heal from the pain of a breakup through traveling independently. I also gained so many valuable skills, from being able to navigate public transportation in any country to being conversational in Italian. I learned how to problem solve quickly and adapt better to new plans and go with the flow, and it has had a tremendous impact on my anxiety and resiliency. Being able to make it through challenges in a foreign country has made me much more confident in my ability to handle anything thrown at me. If I was able to overcome my anxiety while traveling the world, I can certainly overcome it at home.
Everyone’s study abroad experience is different, and this is simply my story of how I dealt with my personal struggles. As excited as I am to be home, I am extremely grateful to Florence for the incredible growth that it fostered in me and am thankful for everything I learned from being uncomfortable. Studying abroad changed who I am for the better, and I am taking all that it taught me into this next year with me.