Just like the Family Guy theme song says: “It seems today that all you see is violence in movies, and sex on TV,” and when you’re in college, those topics definitely don’t disappear. Whether you’re listening to your roommate talk about their sex life, overhearing conversations in the dining hall, or scrolling through Yik Yak, it can be easy to wonder what the big fuss around sex even is. With all that exposure, many students start to feel the social pressure to embark on what society has deemed a “rite of passage.” But is there actually a “right time” to lose your virginity — and do you need to have the full college experience? From a college girl’s perspective, here’s my take on the dilemma.
Pretty much since middle school, three things have been drilled into our heads during sex education: your body will go through changes (yes, it’s normal, and no, you’re not weird for it), ALWAYS use a condom (to prevent STDs, STIs, and pregnancy, duh), and CONSENT IS KEY (and honestly, super sexy if you ask me). We’re exposed to the concept of sex early on, and that exposure definitely doesn’t go away once we get to college. As a society, we place so much emphasis on sex and hookup culture that it’s constantly dramatized in the media. I mean, how many coming-of-age films depict college as a nonstop party scene where everyone is hooking up? With that image everywhere, it’s no wonder so many people feel the pressure to explore their sexuality and question when the “right time” to lose their virginity actually is.
So, for the college students who may be wondering if it’s their time, here are my two cents: You’ll just know. I know that sounds painfully obvious, but hear me out. One of the biggest things I’ve learned is that communication is the absolute key to anything involving sex. Let me set the scene: you meet someone at a party, the vibes are good, the conversation is easy, and you think they are mighty fine. Your mind starts to wander, and suddenly you’re asking yourself: Is this the person? You go home together, and before you know it, you’re sitting awkwardly on the bed waiting for something to happen. No matter who that person is, there’s one thing that can make this whole situation go a lot smoother: Communication.
Before anything goes down, it’s important to have a conversation with your partner to figure out what you both want. How else will you know? If you’re in a situation where you’re considering losing your virginity, simply asking your partner what they want — and sharing what you want — can help you both determine how you’re feeling. Talking about any fears, concerns, or excitement you may have is actually one of the best indicators of readiness for both of you. Not only does communication clear up any misconceptions, but it also allows you to decide together what you’re comfortable with. Sex is not a one-way street; you and your partner should always be on the same page.
I think people forget that there’s more to sex than what the media portrays. If you’re in the moment and you or your partner decides you’re not ready, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. College students often rush into things because they don’t want to feel like they’re missing out, but having sex solely to “make the most of your college experience because that’s what everyone else is doing” isn’t going to give you, or your partner, a positive memory.
College is a whirlwind of new experiences and opportunities, and being surrounded by so many different people can make it easy to feel like you’re falling behind. Losing your virginity is no exception. So, is there a right time to lose your virginity in college — and do you even need to? The answer is NO. Virginity isn’t a finish line; it’s a personal choice. Don’t let societal pressures, expectations, or FOMO dictate something so personal. In the end, only you will know when you’re truly ready.