I’m a junior transfer student at James Madison University and I’m your big sister here to tell you five things I wish someone had told me before transferring (and before going to college in general).
- Not everyone will like you
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One of the biggest pills to swallow upon entering college, whether you are a transfer or a freshman, is that you may not immediately find your people, and there may even be people who dislike you. It may take testing a couple of different organizations and clubs to find people you enjoy being around, and a place to fit in.
In my experience, I joined a club that I was hopeful to make friends in due to my ex-boyfriend’s friends all begging me to join… so I did. Once we broke up, I had no one and so many rumors were spread about me that I had to drop the org. My only friends were my roommate and my two cats.
I went through a lot of self-deprecating thoughts and emotions during this period. I knew that I was being called crazy behind my back and it felt miserable. The worst part was that I had no control over what was being said about me. I had put my self worth in making friends in this one particular club, not looking anywhere else. I kept pushing and trying and it just wasn’t working. I then had to ask myself, why do I want to be friends with people who make me feel so miserable about myself?
When you are becoming involved in an organization, club, sorority, etc. make sure these are people you want to be surrounded with. Make sure that you are joining for the right reasons, and make sure that it doesn’t make you feel miserable. Don’t waste your time fighting to be a part of something that isn’t promoting you to be the best version of you you can be.
Don’t give up after one fallout with a certain organization. Go to school club fairs and talk to people about different clubs, sororities, fraternities, or organizations that interest you. I learned about Her Campus through some girls in my previous club and went out of my comfort zone to submit an application and get to some of the events.
Get out of your comfort zone, introduce yourself to people, and remember that if someone doesn’t like you, that’s okay! If you’re a transfer, and/or an upperclassman don’t let that control whether you join a club or not, there’s nothing wrong with joining even if you are going to graduate soon.
Take your time and enjoy the process of finding the people and organizations that make your college experience everything and more.
- Don’t fall into FOMO (or peer pressure)
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Fear Of Missing Out, or FOMO, is something that I let myself fall into my first few semesters of college in general. I allowed myself to worry about the friend group I had at the time having fun without me being there. I would see my friends go out without me and I would feel this awful gut twist that made me feel like I wasn’t good enough.
On the other hand, when I had first become friends with them, it was always them saying “we have to go out” or “you’re going.” There wasn’t a way to get out of it. The expectation was set that we would go out every weekend, even if you didn’t want to. So, when I began to get left out, I would search for anyone who wanted to hang out or go out with me because I couldn’t stand the thought of missing out on what is supposed to be the best years of our lives.
I became friends with this group before I had officially become a JMU student and I really struggled with it. I didn’t feel my best self at the time and I felt like I had to hold on for dear life to this friend group, so I wasn’t completely alone when I transferred. Don’t worry about not having the social aspect completely down when you first get to a new place. It will come and it will be worth the wait.
Do not let “the college experience” standards set by social media and the general populace make you feel like you are missing out just because you want to stay home. Some of the best nights I’ve had since being in university is watching the newest reality TV show with my roommate or playing Mario Party and going to bed early.
You do not have to go out and drink and feel awful the next day, not even remembering texting your ex the night before if you don’t want to.
- Scheduling and Organization
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While my life was absolute chaos and heartbreak when I began at JMU, being organized and focused on my school work saved me.
If you find yourself just completely at a loss with the amount of homework and responsibilities you have on your plate, buy a planner. At the beginning of each week, plan out your homework, work schedule, and get as detailed as you like. Every day, writing everything down in a list that is attainable makes everything you have to do ten times more digestible.
When you feel like you have no control over everything you have to do, remind yourself it’s literally just school. Yes school is important, but it is not the end all be all. Schedule your days out and make a routine that helps you get through every day.
- Don’t be afraid to ask questions, and use university resources
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It is incredibly hard to be the one person confused in a lecture of one hundred people, especially coming from a community college or even high school where it’s small classes. Do not be afraid to ask for clarification. That is literally what your professor is there for. Also don’t be scared to participate in a class discussion. You will most likely never see the people in your lecture again, so don’t worry about what they might think about what you have to say or if they think your question is “stupid.”
Go up to your professors after class if you did not get a chance to ask about something in the lecture. Send emails if you are confused on an assignment, don’t be afraid that it’s a common sense answer you might get. Professors are here to answer your questions and help you succeed. Office hours are also an incredible way to dig deep into struggles you are having with the class. Your professors have those hours specifically set so you can get help.
Don’t worry about not knowing all of the answers, that’s why we are in college.
If you are struggling with classes, preparing a resume or cover letter, struggling with mental health or physical health, or even just need help with figuring out what it is you want to do in the future, your university has resources.
Most univeristies provide advisors for your major and if you’re a transfer like me, there are people you can talk to if you are still undecided on your major or plan.
If you are struggling in your classes, use the tutoring services being promoted by your professors or the university in general. Many universities have health centers and people you can talk to if you are struggling with your mental or physical health. If you have a problem, there is usually a university source that can help you solve it.
The point is, we pay exponential amounts for tuition, so get every penny you’ve paid worth and use the resources that that money goes into!
- Take care of yourself
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Transferring into a new college or even starting college for the first time can be incredibly stressful in terms of social aspects, classes, and maybe even a new job. The best way I have found to keep stress levels low are to find pockets of peace throughout the day. Pockets of peace can look like any sort of time that you set aside to do the hobbies or self-care that helps you relax.
For me, I try to start my morning with a breakfast I can look forward to and make a morning moment out of making and having my chai latte. Then in the evening, reserving time to relax and have dinner and partake in my hobbies. I also try to fit a workout in each day, whether that’s waking up early to go lift or signing up for a pilates class. Moving your body is a great way for quick endorphins to help stress relief.
Having reserved times each days for things that allow you to silence your mind is so important. It can look like whatever you want, going to the gym, baking, reading, and so on. Make time for yourself, even if it’s hard. You will thank yourself in the long run.
Beginning at a new university can be daunting whether you are a transfer or coming in as a freshman, but don’t let that fear stop you from performing and being the best you can be. Keep a positive outlook and don’t stop trying to make your way in this world. Pick yourself up after every bump in the road, dust yourself off, and try again. These four years are tough, but you are tougher.