Ever since I was a kid, my teachers and coaches have always called me a ‘perfectionist.’ I never really understood what this phrase meant, but by the time I was a senior in high school, I associated this phrase with negative connotations. Annoying, bossy, excessive – these discouraging names and more would ring out in my head whenever I would be doing a group assignment or learning the steps to a dance routine.
After graduating from high school and coming to college, my incessant need to be perfect only became more intense as I grew to love academics more than ever before. In high school, I wasn’t studying what I really wanted to learn about, but once I was registered in film production and writing courses, my love of the content only made my perfectionism more severe.
As a perfectionist, I feel like I always need to be the best or create more perfect content. I find myself constantly striving for academic and career-aligned validation in the form of good grades or a well-written cover letter. The difficult thing about being a perfectionist, though, is that you never really feel fulfilled; and even more frustrating, perfectionism isn’t just about classwork or resumes.
That project could’ve been better if I had just phrased this sentence differently; my friends would like me more if I’d just said this instead of that; I’d be prettier if I had worn that shirt instead of this one. The worst part of being a perfectionist is knowing that these feelings don’t even make sense, but they drive you nuts regardless. Sometimes, I feel like the tortured artist trope from “Whiplash” or “The Black Swan”, but in reality, I just struggle with constantly feeling the need to be perfect in every aspect of my life.
But it isn’t possible or even believable for someone to be perfect constantly. Speaking with my friends and peers, I know this is a common issue many students face, especially college students tackling loads of coursework while preparing for a career in their desired fields.
Steps I Have Taken to Perfect Perfectionism
As a certified perfectionist, there are steps that I have taken to help wrangle my obsession with making things “just right,” so I want to share a few things that may help another struggling perfectionist out there. All these reminders are not foolproof or perfect, but if you need something small, these might work for you as they have for me.
1. Celebrate Your Wins
It can feel tricky to celebrate the small things sometimes, especially when you feel like it could have been better. A 95% on a difficult midterm – but what about the other 5%? Or a fun party you planned for your friend’s birthday – shoot, I forgot the right color balloons. No matter how silly it can feel, celebrating your successes and rewarding yourself is a great step in feeling more confident in your perfectionism.
A way I like to reward myself is by having a sweet treat with dinner when I feel like I accomplished a lot during the day. Even if I feel like I could have been more productive but still want a sweet treat, I give myself the grace to have the opportunity to celebrate myself in that way. In my experience, it’s about allowing myself to choose how I want to reward myself instead of setting difficult standards that has made a world of difference.
2. Embrace Mistakes As Proof You Are Improving
As a perfectionist, making a simple mistake can often feel like the end of the world. But it’s important to remember that making mistakes is normal, and if you never acknowledged your missteps, that would mean that you’re not interested in improving.
3. Block Out Your Schedule
Having deadlines as a perfectionist can be difficult, especially when you want the freedom to tweak something for as long as you can. I know there have been times that I wanted to play around with an article for weeks, even months, if I could, but that’s just not feasible in college. Responsibilities from classes, friends, work, and self-care can quickly pile on, so it’s important to give yourself a schedule if you feel like you will have difficulty meeting that deadline.
Blocking out time to do work is a game-changer for a perfectionist like me. I know that if I have an important deadline for an article or edit for a video coming up, I’ll give myself a specific time frame each day to work on it. It can even look different each day – some days you may feel like you need hours, while others it may only be twenty minutes. When dealing with perfectionism, it’s all about finding that balance in your schedule that works for you.
4. Set Time Aside for Laziness
It can often feel like you need to always be on the go or accomplishing big things, but I’m here to tell you: be lazier! It’s okay for you to be unproductive from time to time. Like right now, I’m not even going to finish this sent-
Maybe that was a bad joke, but in all seriousness, making time for yourself to relax is important as a college student. It’s so easy to burn out if you don’t give yourself the space to think. Read a book, go on a walk, draw something, or just take a nap. Whatever it may be, take some time today to just take care of yourself and your mental health.
5. Remember The Golden Rule
As a perfectionist, it’s easy to feel discouraged and frustrated when you know you could have done something better, but that is why I have created the “Golden Rule of Perfectionism”: You may not be perfect, but you are trying your best. This rule has continually helped me to remind myself that my self-worth is not indicative of a test grade or how someone feels about me. If you feel confident that you tried your best, you should pat yourself on the back, big time! Even if you fumble a little here and there, that is still okay.
Your passions are incredibly powerful and will lead to major successes that you should be proud of. While perfectionism can feel like an overwhelming mountain at times, it’s nothing that you cannot handle.
While I always felt less than my peers when someone would call me a perfectionist as a child, I now know that I should be proud of the connotations associated with this name. Being a perfectionist doesn’t mean that you are automatically annoying or bossy, but strong-willed and enthusiastic about the things you care about. While I may have once been a begrudging recipient of this moniker, I now wear it like a badge of honor because I’m a struggling perfectionist who knows she isn’t always perfect.