Belonging is an essential part of being a human being. Having a community surrounding you to celebrate the good and help you through the bad is essential to staying a float. You need people that are ready and willing to walk through life with you, no matter where in that journey you are. However, there is often another side of this coin that we fail to think about. In order to have that community, you must also be a member of one. You must also be willing to momentarily put your life on pause to be there for the ones you love.Â
Mental Health
To be clear, this should not be to the detriment of yourself and your mental health. I am incredibly grateful that the importance of self care and mental health is finally being recognized after years of being put on the back burner. Checking in on yourself and making sure that you are in a good place should always be a priority.Â
The issue comes in when prioritizing yourself gets confused with refusal to be inconvenienced. There is a clear difference between needing space to collect yourself mentally and simply not wanting to take time out of your day. We have all been met with a time when all we wanted to do was lay in bed with a bowl of ice cream, watching our favorite TV show, when we suddenly remember how we agreed to go to a friend’s play or help a classmate study for the test. We could call off, claim we need the rest, which is not entirely a lie. However, it is these moments that can define and shape the community you have in the future. Caring about the little things is what builds and stabilizes relationships.
You Gotta Give to Get
Being inconvenienced is not necessarily a bad thing. It is easy to confuse something that bothers you with something that is harmful. I often find myself saying that I need the rest and I deserve a break without realizing what I am really doing or how I would feel if the roles were reversed. It’s actually really simple. How you treat others is how others will treat you. How much effort you are willing to put into a relationship is how much effort you should expect back. You may think that friendship should not be about keeping score, but sometimes it’s inevitable. People want to feel equity within their relationships and will adjust their behavior to do it.
So, get up early on a Sunday morning to help with your friends study and show up to your friend’s party even if you just got off work. The moments that you were willing to give to others will be what gets you a little time in return later down the line.
