For much of my time as an adolescent I was unsure of who I was, and who I wanted to be in the future. Due to this, there were many points in my life where I felt I had to be someone I wasn’t and act like someone I hated in order to be perceived as “cool”. I began to excessively prioritize the wrong things, such as my social life, my dating life, and the way people perceived me. This led to significant amounts of drama, gossip, back-stabbing, unhealthy relationships, unhealthy habits, and an unhealthy idea of what is important in life. Reflecting back on who I was as an adolescent, I wish I had been more focused on things that truly mattered, such as my grades, college, my mental and physical health, and maintaining strong friendships with people I truly enjoyed being around. I did so much as a teenager and tried so hard in hopes of others perceiving me as cool. I wish I had known that I was amazing, inside and out, regardless of others’ opinions. I wish I had known that the correct way of building confidence is not by pretending to be someone else, but by being yourself and doing things you love. If you are yourself, and you do things you love, you won’t only find people you enjoy being around but you will find the right group of people.
Even after high school (my freshman year of college), I was still stuck in this “high school mindset” of “oh I need to act or talk this way so that I make friends or so that I look cool”. Due to this, I ultimately fell back into this pattern of drama, gossip, unhealthy habits, etc for a short period of time. Until I had a realization that I didn’t want my four years of college to be the same as my four years of high school. I wanted things to be different, and I realized that in order to do that, I needed to be in an environment where I felt I belonged and in an environment that allowed me to grow. I hadn’t realized until I transferred schools that environment can significantly distinguish who you are and who you become. In order to break this pattern, I had to not only transfer but transfer to a place where I could be closer to home, which is a place I have always felt like I could be myself. When I made the decision to transfer to Holy Cross, I actually had no idea that Holy Cross would be such a good fit. Thankfully, it just happened that way and I don’t think it is just my friends at Holy Cross that make it such a great fit, I think it’s also the atmosphere, the hopes and dreams everyone has, and the grit that everyone carries with them. Transferring to a better environment was my first step in learning what is important to me in my life and learning what my priorities are. A few of the things I’ve learned about becoming the best version of myself and finding who I am as an individual are stated here:
Learn the kind of people you enjoy being around, and find an environment that you feel comfortable in. Not only learn the kind of people you enjoy being around but work toward developing strong friendships with those people. Work hard at maintaining those friendships, but only the ones that are worth working toward. If you have a friend or friends that seem to always stab you in the back, or constantly gossip about others, they may not be the best friends to have. If you have a friend or friends that seem to sort of enjoy watching you fail or watch you struggle, they may not be the friends to have. My point is, don’t feel like it’s necessary to be friends with someone, and don’t force friendships with people you don’t enjoy being around. Don’t force a friendship with someone just for the sake of it. Find people that want to see you succeed, find people that want to grow with you, and want to see you become your best self. After transferring and indulging myself in a positive environment, I realized that I want to be around people who are always working hard and are always working towards a goal. I want to be around people who are always in good faith, who have genuine morals, and who not only care about others but care about themselves. I want to be around people who genuinely want the best for themselves, they go to the gym, work out, eat well, etc. I have realized that by being around these people, I began to want the same things. Then, I began working toward them and developed positive and healthy habits.
Working on yourself, and doing the things necessary to get you there are healthy habits. Don’t be around people who enjoy or continuously have unhealthy habits, those people will unintentionally (or maybe even intentionally) keep you down. I’ve learned that working toward your goals isn’t something to be embarrassed by, but is actually something to be incredibly proud of. Work on yourself internally and externally, set goals, focus on school, focus on your grades, and don’t be afraid to get involved in extracurricular activities. Don’t be afraid to work toward your dreams. That business, website, club, or podcast you have in mind is not only great for resumes but is great for you if you enjoy doing it. Don’t be afraid to do the things you have always wanted to do and don’t allow worry or hesitation to dictate your life. As someone who does have anxiety, I have allowed nerves to hold me back from various things in my life such as meeting new people, starting a podcast, getting involved in clubs, etc. Thankfully, I had a realization that if I continue to avoid these kinds of situations due to anxiety, I will never grow as an individual or accomplish my goals.
Focus on school and grades, as they are both important. Not only does getting your work done and staying organized help but it makes you feel like you have your life together even during times you might not. I know that whenever I do my homework or get things done early, I feel incredibly happy and accomplished.
Furthermore, the gym can be an incredible resource for healthy habits, meeting new friends, learning something new, and a great outlet for any pent-up anger or frustration. Over the course of the past year and a half, I’ve made incredible progress not only physically but mentally. The gym has not only taught me how to be strong and confident within my body but strong and confident within my mind. It’s incredible how accomplishing the gym can make you feel and it’s one of the things that I look forward to the most every day. Don’t forget to also stick to a self-care routine, drink enough water every day, and sleep for 7-8 hours every night. Have a consistent skincare routine and don’t forget to clean your room every once in a while or as much as you can.
Stick to your beliefs, and don’t ever feel pressured to do something you don’t want to do. I’m not the typical college partier and never have been that kind of person. As an adolescent, I pretended to enjoy partying but in reality, actually disliked it. I had always preferred to have a night in or enjoy a fancy dinner out but was never interested in clubbing or parties. This leads me to my next point which is to accept yourself for who you are. I thought that there was something wrong with me for not enjoying partying or drinking, yet I realized that I do enjoy it just not to the extent that others do. If I’m drinking, I prefer to be with my closest friends/family, watching a movie, or out at dinner, and there is nothing wrong with that. Therefore, I have learned to accept this part of myself and have made friends who have similar interests.
If you’re in a relationship, don’t feel guilty about wanting to spend time with your person. If you truly think that that person will be significantly important to you in your life and means a great deal to you, your friends should understand and should be happy for you. Although, you should still attempt to make time for friends whether it be on weekdays or weekends. Grab a coffee with your friends, or study with them at a local cafe, it doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you make time for them and genuinely care for them. If you’re single, don’t feel pressured to be involved with someone or involved in hookup culture. Assert your dominance and power as an individual, and make sure that you know exactly what you are looking for in a person and in a relationship before getting into one. Make sure that you have found yourself first before finding someone else because if you find someone without knowing who you are, you could find the wrong person. The right person will come along at the right time, will treat you right, and will actually push you to become the best version of yourself. That brings me back to the environmental aspect of finding who you are. I surrounded myself with people who wanted to see me grow, and have ultimately begun to, which I am grateful for every day. So, don’t focus on the wrong things or the things that won’t matter in 2 weeks, 2 months, and 2 years. Don’t focus on drama, gossip, unhealthy habits, or unhealthy relationships/friendships. Focus on the things that will matter to you now and in the future, focus on the goals you want to accomplish, and focus on becoming the best version of yourself. Surround yourself with good people and be a good person yourself. Take care of others and of yourself, and NEVER settle for less from anyone.
P.S. I am not a professional! This is just my experience and how I have learned to grow as a person.