Something about being a comm major at Hofstra deeply engrains in you the idea that if you don’t have an internship all the time, you’re failing. While this is obviously, in no realm of life, the truth, the culture of the journalism, public relations, television and radio world seems to demand an overworked, overachieving schedule.
For the most part, I feel lucky – in general, my personality type screams overworked and overachieving. For this reason, I find it even harder when I’m not able to be at 200% at every given moment in the semester. Even with three internships under my belt, two E-board positions, involvement in a sorority and as an RA on campus and being in the honors college, while putting everything I have into my academics, somehow not having an internship is enough to make me feel like I’m not doing enough.
My internship plans for the spring semester last year – my second semester sophomore year – had fallen through, but it was honestly a blessing: looking back, I wouldn’t have been able to handle an internship on top of the major mental health problems I was facing during those months. I believe everything happens for a reason, and during arguably the hardest months of my life and college career, I wouldn’t have been able to put my all into anything aside from the commitments I’d already made.
Tim Gouw via Unsplash
I still applied for internships during that semester, and was so lucky to have accepted a full-time summer internship position at a luxury fashion e-commerce site – and it was everything and more. I spent every day surrounded by beautiful clothes, writing, researching, with the most supportive and loving team of coworkers in simultaneously the largest office I’d ever worked in. It was one of the best experiences I’d ever had, and it allowed me to grow and develop professionally in more ways than I’d ever have imagined.
Two days after the internship ended, I was back on campus for training to be a resident assistant, and I was once again taking six classes instead of the regular five. I had taken on much more responsibility and new things than I ever really had in my life, and although I had an interview lined up for a fall internship, I had to cancel it.
This meant I was back to where I was in the spring. I didn’t have an internship, and I think part of me knew that these new responsibilities would take some getting used to, and I needed to able to put my all into them. After all, I’m not the kind of person who does half of anything, whether it’s academic, professional, or otherwise.
And my coursework this semester proved to be more difficult than I could’ve ever anticipated, so in the end, not having an internship worked out in my favor. I wouldn’t have had time to design a 44-page magazine with my eyes constantly glued to InDesign or lug around a ten-thousand-dollar camera and a tripod that was taller and probably heavier than me. Most days I was physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted, and I honestly have no idea what I would’ve done if I interned on top of all of that, especially getting used to a new job that is so important to me.
Melanie Haid
While there was always the sting of that very specific look of disappointment that came from when someone asked me if I had an internship and I said no (or worse, the look of shock when asked how my internship was going and I had to spell out that I didn’t have one), it got better.
Though a semester is only about four months, it took me longer than I expected to be able to get rid of this feeling and accept that I wasn’t a failure just because I didn’t currently have an internship. If anything, it almost inspired me to work harder to get one in the spring. It even took my boss making me write everything I’ve done and everything I’ve been involved in since I stepped on campus as a freshman to push me into getting my confidence back.
It’s this mentality, this workaholic, hustler mentality, that makes even the hardest working people who are doing everything right feel like it’s just not enough. And as much as this feeling ate away at me, I worked hard every day, went to class, and did everything I could to stay in the place where I felt I had worked hard to be and even soar past this.
Garrhet Sampson via Unsplash
In the spring, I’m excited to have accepted an internship in Manhattan, the first one I’ve ever had in the city, at a prestigious company. This goal seemed so far away, but now that it’s been reached, I feel excited, but it doesn’t fill this emotion that’s been left in my after these past two semesters. Moving into my fourth internship my second semester of my junior year, I also have to remind myself that I am still enough with or without new additions to my resume, and continue to learn to love my work and myself with all that I have. I had to opportunity to really look into that this semester, and it was so unbelievably necessary for my personal growth that I don’t know where I’d be now if I hadn’t taken a break.
Always remember to take a break. Don’t stop working hard, but give yourself room to breathe.