All I wanted was for my period to go away. But I got a lot more than I bargained for when I switched birth controls in February of 2015. My periods had been fairly regular when I was on birth control before, yet my best friend told me about a magical little pill. She told me that I could take this pill and that I would not get my period. I was hesitant at first, what if something went wrong? I’d always been super careful about taking my pill and using condoms, but accidents happen. Yet I don’t know about you, but I hate having my period. It’s a pain in the ass. So I talked to my doctor and she didn’t see a problem with it, so I went for it. And the first month or so, was great. No period, no cramps, no bloating, and no period zits. Even though this pill seemed perfect, I was still apprehensive and even though I wasn’t having sex at the time, I was still superstitious. But then in March, I met a guy and we waited about a month and then I finally let things get intimate. And that’s where I noticed that something was off.
In the year and a half that I’d been sexually active, I’d never had a problem with arousal. Not to brag, but it was something I ever thought I’d have to worry about. Everything was all good in the hood and sex was great. But then things happened with this new guy. And by things happened, I really mean that nothing happened. It was like my lady bits had turned in early for the night and nothing could get them to wake up. This had never happened to me before. I thought it was because I didn’t have strong feelings for him, yet I knew that wasn’t the case. It wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t his fault. It was this damn birth control. That was the only explanation.
Things fizzled out with this guy and about a month later, I meet this gorgeous guy at my friend’s party. I was instantly super attracted to him and I wanted to get to know this lad. We met up on Easter and we began hooking up. I told him that I didn’t want to have sex because I was still insecure about what had happened with the other guy, but our chemistry was so intense that I went for it. And low and beyond, I was having the same problems as before. And you want to know the funny thing? Despite my body not cooperating, I still orgasmed. What’s up with that?
I was so confused. How could I orgasm with my libido being the way it was? I wanted to have 10/10 sex with this guy because that night was amazing and I knew it would be even better if I was my old self. I wanted to get off this pill. I was willing to sacrifice and get my period just so that I could have a normal sex life. So I went back to the pill I’d been on before and I had hope that within a few weeks, my body would reset. Yet over the course of that summer, I saw little to no change. I was so frustrated because this wasn’t me. I wanted to give this guy my all and my body just wasn’t letting me. I had never felt insecure about sex until this moment.
The lack of arousal was a huge hit to my ego and I began avoiding this guy. I was embarrassed about what he thought of me and my body. It killed me to think that he thought that I was dried up and I worried that he would move on to some other girl with a better pussy. But I still kept trying and kept waiting for the day that it would all come together. That day didn’t come and by September, it had been ten months since I’d had ‘successful’ and functioning sex. It was like I needed a female Viagra.
I felt like I had to go the extra mile to prove that I was worthy. I would do whatever that it took to please him and make sure that he felt amazing. This meant that I was sacrificing all forms of pleasure for myself just to make him happy. I didn’t feel good enough this guy and every time he’d hit me up, I would wonder why. I needed a solution and I was desperate to feel confident in my body again. I just wanted to be normal and I was willing to take a big risk to feel like myself.
I decided to go off birth control and instead I got an IUD. I was scared because I’d heard about the risks of getting it placed. But I wanted to feel good about myself so I went through with it. And let me tell you, that shit hurt! Oh my god, I would say that was one of the most painful experiences of my life. But I was excited. I hadn’t seen this guy since the summer and I was hoping and praying that I’d see results. Getting this IUD was the best decision that I could have made for myself and I was proud that I went through with it. I was finally back to normal, but you know what? This guy told me that he didn’t mind, because he thought that I was gorgeous and that sex was only a small part of who I was. Even if I hadn’t gone back to normal, I know he would still want to be with me and his assurance helped give me the confidence to accept my body no matter what.