A typical evening at home. I was on my phone, browsing mindlessly through social media. I noticed that many of my Facebook friends had shared Mark Manson’s article “In Defense of Being Average”. I scanned through the article: its main idea is to prove that there is nothing wrong with being average. Most people are neither the best nor the worst in something and not everyone – if anyone – can be a superhero. Wishing that you were extraordinary will get you nowhere and most of the people who become successful are average at first, and they work hard and passionately to develop their skills.
After having read the article, I thought nothing more of it, but a few days later I faced a disappointment and the themes of the article resurfaced in my mind. I began to wonder how people get over disappointments and reach happiness – and why I am often dissatisfied with my own achievements.
Self-criticism and high personal demands are not rare phenomena among higher education students. It seems that there’s always both the possibility (yay!) and the pressure (boo!) to do more and become better. Having goals and developing one’s skills is not bad in itself: goals are great motivators, and signs of personal development give a feeling of empowerment. Yet for me, a downside of a goal-oriented lifestyle in our competitive society has been that I’ve never been fully satisfied with my achievements. I forget moments of success relatively quickly and might feel down when I see other people moving on with their lives, though I am doing just fine as well! Obviously, it would be more fulfilling to be happy over both smaller and bigger accomplishments. That is why one of my long-time goals has been to become more supportive of myself.
Nowadays, the negative effects of social media on wellbeing are discussed a lot. According to Manson, only exceptional pieces of information capture our interest, because the flood of information provided by the Internet and social media is so huge. Because only the most extraordinary people seem to get the spotlight and everyone can look like a superhero on Instagram, people who feel average (or below) might experience anxiety. Personally, I am a social media junkie and have had to cut down my phone usage, and it has helped me cope with my insecurities. It is humane to compare oneself to others, but such comparisons can be very unfair because we are individuals. We have different ambitions, strengths, weaknesses and backgrounds. So think about it: in whose eyes are you average? Others on social media might think that your life looks pretty awesome judging by your Instagram.
So, what to do when you are bothered by a lack of continuous achievements in your everyday existence? Well, here are a few things I do when I’m pissed at myself for being “only” average – or even feeling like a failure.
1. Log off from social media (duh). You’ll only feel sad when you see the (real or fake) highlights of everyone’s lives.
2. List at least three things that you are grateful for or that have gone well recently. Did you have a good conversation with a friend? No deadlines this week? Did you cook a very nice dinner? Maybe average existence is not that bad at all.
3. Take a walk. Fresh air is a great cure for self-bashing thoughts.
4. Message or call someone. When you put your bad mood into words, it often helps.
Life isn’t a success story all the time. There is always a possibility to develop your skills, but you and your personal goals should be in the center of what you do instead of the expectations of others or the ones you see on media. It is always good to remember that you compete only with yourself in your life – and that competition should not be taken to exhausting levels.
Manson’s article: https://markmanson.net/being-average