Healing is a never-ending journey. I found that most people have normalized putting a cap on healing when in reality, it never stops. Growth never stops. This was a hard pill for me to swallow as I faced numerous challenges throughout my life. I was ready to finally deem myself healed. I was excited to feel fully satisfied with everything I’ve been through and to not let it affect the person I am or the person I could and want to be. But life does its thing and it presents you with a similar challenge and all of a sudden, all of that growth you did seems to be flown out the window.
I think it’s very important to distinguish between healing and growth. Healing as defined by my trusty friend Google is a process to make something healthy again. Highlight process. Some people are so quick to jump to the end result that they forget healing is all in the process. We think that the process will only take weeks, months, or even years, but it’s all about making it consistent. When you make healing consistent, growth becomes consistent.
Now, what is growth? Science Direct says that psychological growth is “the potential to cultivate inner potentialities, seek out optimal challenges, and integrate new experiences into the self-concept.” Highlight self-concept. The great thing about humanity is that we choose who we want to become, and who we want to be. Growth is all about building up to that concept. The only things that could hold us back from that are oppression, discrimination, addiction, mental health, or our own personal traumas. It is difficult to become who we want to become when there are challenges that become internalized.
That is what this article is for. To help those who feel like they’re in a deep hole but can’t seem to climb back up.
It’s okay to not be okay
This is said a lot, but it holds a lot of truth. When it comes to healing and growth, the first step that most people take is to pretend that everything is fine and to go about their responsibilities as they should. This is where you start to neglect yourself. You start to ignore what you feel to maintain your pride or please others. Throw pride and other people’s happiness out the window for a second. What about you? Are you truly happy? It’s okay to be selfish when it comes to your mental health. Recognition of the state of your mental health is the first step to accepting yourself and accepting the healing process.
don’t be afraid to open the closet filled with your demons or to go into the dark parts of your brain
People usually find one thing to base their healing or growth on, which is totally fine. Recognizing the initial challenge is a great place to start. But don’t forget about the things you decide to hide away from yourself. In order to feel truly healed and to truly grow, you need to look at these things as well because one day, they will pop up.
reflect and accept
Take time to think about what has happened throughout your life, and how it affected the person you became today. Write about it, even. I found that writing in a journal has helped me regulate my emotions, physically see where I’m at, and to also help me clear my thoughts. I have a million thoughts running at the highest speed possible, so writing in a journal helps me slow those thoughts down. Make sure to also reflect on your progress as well. It’s always a good feeling to realize that you’ve come a long way. Be proud of what you did so far. But after reflecting, you also have to accept what has happened to you or what you have done. After accepting it, you will start to overcome it.
be patient with yourself
Healing and growing isn’t usually a short process. In fact, it won’t be a process that ends. Sometimes it will be one step forward and two steps back. It can get very frustrating when this happens and it’ll be very easy to condescend yourself. But why be at war with yourself especially when you’re trying your best? Healing and growing takes a lot of patience. Even though the process never ends, there is always an improvement and that should be something to be proud of.
let yourself feel all of your emotions, but don’t drown in them
It’s totally okay to break down and cry. It’s totally okay to be angry about what happened to you. It’s totally okay to feel every emotion known to mankind and to express them. The only thing that you have to remember after doing so is to not let the emotions drag you deeper into your hole. Whether we like it or not, as college students, we have responsibilities we need to do. Feel what you feel, but don’t neglect your responsibilities as you do that. Yes, feel free to take a break when you need to. Just make sure you get things done. Your mental health is important, but if you start to fail classes or miss assignments, it will dig you deeper into your hole and cause more stress.
actively do things that make you happy
Make it an everyday effort to do small little things or hobbies that make you happy. If you love to read but haven’t found yourself reading in a very long time, pick up a book. If you love to paint but haven’t found time to do that, make time. If you love to just look at dog or cat videos, do that. It seems like it isn’t important to indulge in activities you love doing, but if it makes you happy, make time for it. This will boost your mood and will make it easier for you to complete your responsibilities. If the car doesn’t have gas, how do you expect it to move anywhere?
be humble enough to know that you might’ve been a villain in someone’s story
Maybe you’re trying to come back from doing something very out of character or terrible in your opinion. It’s okay to recognize that you messed up. It’s okay to realize you were the villain. It’s all about what you do afterward for yourself and the other person that really matters. Just because you make mistakes, it does not define the person that you are. Take the time to grow from it. Take the time to sit with what you did, accept it, and find ways to be a better person (whatever that looks like for you).
embody the eye within the hurricane
The eye in the hurricane is usually the calmest. Be that. When everything is going wrong, embody that. When you protect your peace, nothing can touch you. As I said, feel your emotions, but also hold yourself to a standard where you can be aware of the change and accept that. Once you protect your peace and who you are going to become or are becoming, you are proving to yourself that you are worthy of self-love and that you are capable of feeling it.
Remember that some (or all) of these things may be a lot harder to accomplish based on your own life experiences. But that does not mean you don’t deserve to be happy. If you or someone you know are dealing with a crisis, please find resources around you to get professional help.
Healing and growing are not pretty processes. It can be, but most of the time, it isn’t. Don’t be fooled by influencers or social media. Just remember that there can’t be good without bad and that you are worthy the way you are now, who you used to be, and who you’re going to be.