All my life I assumed my friends with would be in my life forever. I had dreams of us dashing off on European vacations and going to each other’s weddings. The reality is that some friendships in our lives are temporary. And that is OK.
I came to college with a solid group of best friends from my hometown, and at first, everything was great. We would text each other all the time talk about our college experiences, however I soon realized my college experience was not going like all of theirs seemed to be. I struggled to feel like I belonged, and in turn I began to isolate myself, which then turned into severe depression. I tried to reach out to my friends, but it seemed like most of them were too busy to care. When my depression hit rock-bottom and I would only leave my room to go to class, I desperately needed a text from a friend asking if I was ok, but those texts never came. I immediately began blaming myself for our obvious separation. I thought that I wasn’t good enough to be friends with anymore, or that my depression was too unbearable for people to deal with. I spent hours crying and sending desperate texts to my friends, trying to salvage what was left of our friendship, but that didn’t seem to help.
I eventually faced the fact that these relationships were no longer healthy and conducive for me to get better and find happiness. Moving on from the people I felt closest to was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. To this day, I still wish we were as close as we once were, however I now understand that removing them from my life, either temporarily or permanently, was the best decision for me. I finally felt free from comparing myself to them or depending on them to validate and comfort me.
I recently got advice from a SoulCycle instructor who said: “Don’t stifle your own growth to try and be considerate of others.” This quote has never resonated more with me, as so often we try and hold onto the past, afraid of stepping into the future alone, however sometimes being alone and letting go is the only way to truly mature and grow. While I don’t suggest snipping people out of your life left and right, I will say if you seem to be stuck, there is nothing wrong with reevaluating the relationships you have. If a relationship is not allowing all parties to thrive, then maybe it’s time to move on, even if it is just temporarily.
In my mind, cutting people from my life does not mean I’ll never speak to them again, or that I don’t care for them dearly, it just means that right now I need space to evolve on my own. It is not selfish or wrong to decide someone is not meant to be in your life, in fact, it is a crucial part of life. People come and go from our lives, and while these relationships may not last forever, they will always be a part of our lives, and with each one we will learn about the person we want to be for ourselves and for others.