Although everyone will warn you about the homesickness you will feel when you move to the other side of the world, very rarely will they warn about the soul-crushing misery of dealing with grief while attempting to pass your exams.
Dealing with death
Learning that someone you loved has passed away will always be heart-breaking. There will be more emotions besides all-encompassing grief, things you might not always be aware of. Guilt and anger tend to make themselves known quite early. Guilt for being away from your loved ones or for not remembering when your last conversation was, anger at the universe for letting this happen. Its important to let yourself break down and process things.
Oftentimes you will feel world-stopping anger. Anger at others for feeling joyful and not understanding that you have gone through a life changing event, thats okay too. It’s a really common reaction, especially if its the death of someone close to you, most people have gone through that. Allow space for these feelings to exist and do not repress them as it might make your grieving process longer, having people who allow you to express your feelings will help through this.
The guilt will stay longer than you think, but understanding that its not something you need to get over tends to make things easier, giving yourself grace to have these feelings is vital without letting yourself get consumed by what you feel. Equally as important is letting people know how you feel, talking to friends or parents about how crushing these emotions are, they are reminders that although far away, people will hold you close.
grieving time and places
Grief at university will also come in different forms, you might not always be mourning a death – but rather the loss of time and places. Both are less talked about and often mistaken for melancholy or longing. You’re less likely to notice it, appearing in memories, when you’re home for the holidays, talking to childhood friends.
Being aware that time wont stop for you, memories wont freeze, and that things will change – can be heart-breaking, but remembering that this is something you are focusing on because you are away will help make those drastic changes less daunting.
how to cope
Seeing your baby cousin learn to run around and play when you last saw them as a newborn is hard, its a reminder of how much you miss when you are not paying attention, noticing that the cafe that you used to spend hours studying in has changed can be heartbreaking.
Keeping constant communication with your loved ones will alleviate some of the pain. However, there are times when you might start to doubt if prioritizing your studies is worth missing moments like these. Learning to live through and love the impermanence of things is important, find a new favourite place, watch yourself grow and take time for your emotions to flourish and be present, there is no need to contain your hurt.
Grief is such a strong emotion that it will encompass many aspects of your life and might affect your studies, time will pass, people will move on and you will believe that its something that you have overcome. You will see someone that reminds you of them, you might have to readjust to a new reality when talking about your loved ones, you will need to adjust to the impact that this might have in your life. This is all okay and normal, give yourself grace, don’t overanalyze your emotions but rather create space for your hurt to exist on its own without rhyme or reason.