Trigger Warning: The following article involves a discussion about sexual assault that some may find unsettling.
From the Author:
Sexual assault has always been a prevalent issue, but until recently, society has deemed it a taboo subject better left swept under the rug. The goal of this article is to be the first of a series of articles discussing women’s issues with men in the hopes of creating an open dialogue. By shining a light on harrowing issues, I hope to begin to bridge a gap between the disconnect of male and female viewpoints. I sat down with four male students currently attending George Mason University with the purpose of understanding their ideologies regarding sexual assault in a college atmosphere.
What’s your idea of consent? Where does that idea stem from?
Man A: “I’d say it’s a mix of what I learned in high school from FLE (Family Life Education), TV and growing up being taught ethics. There are definitely warning signs when making out or hooking up with a girl, like if she seems uncomfortable, but for me the definitive time to back off is when she says no.”
Man B: “Consent is verbal consent like asking is this okay. Recently, media has made guys really aware and society as a whole is doing a better job of defining what it is, while before it was just brushed aside. There’s still a long way to go but I think it’s doing a better job of holding people accountable for their actions.”
Man C: “Personally, if you want to be safe then verbal affirmation is always the way to go. I would just ask flat out like, “Is this okay?” I have a lot of female friends, two sisters, my mom, so it’s just overall I’d hate the idea of them being uncomfortable so I like to hold myself to a higher standard.”
Man D: “I’d say consent is yes equals yes, no equals no. I’d say it’s also feeling if a girl responds negatively to something that’s when you stop. Like reading body language.”
Would you be shocked if I told you that according to RAINN, “Among undergraduate students, 23.1% of females and 5.4% of males experience rape or sexual assault through physical force, violence, or incapacitation?”
Man A: “ I know being at Mason we’ve had some problems with sexual assault, but hearing that is kind of shocking. For men, I definitely didn’t think it’d be that high but either number is shocking. I thought for girls it might be kind of high but it seems like a lot of these things with consent are common sense, so seeing it be that high is really sad”.
Man B: “I feel like a lot of people do experience it so those numbers make sense, but it depends on what you’re defining as sexual assault. If you’re just going up to someone and kissing them I consider that assault, but not everyone would. I thought that the male percentage is pretty low compared to women, but that may be because the societal view of men and assault that guys feel like they can’t report it.”
Man C: “ I’ve had friends tell me about their experiences and it seems more common than uncommon now unfortunately. Those numbers are upsetting, but not surprising.”
Man D: “ I would be surprised by that because I don’t know anyone who thinks it’s a good idea to assault someone. I think that number seems enlarged, probably because of the differences in what consent means. If someone regrets doing something, especially after a party, they could consider that assault, but I wouldn’t consider just regretting something as that.”
Via George Mason University
What are some perceptions you have of someone whose most likely to be assaulted?
Man A: “My own country in India when people wear shorter dresses, people say she deserved it and it’s the same way here. People victim blame and that’s bullshit. It’s not their fault, it’s just society saying that. In college, if a girl is walking by herself or drinking then they’re more likely to be [assaulted]. It isn’t right, but it’s the culture that we’re in.”
Man B: “ Intoxicated women are probably most likely to be prone to it because a little bit of both people drinking and lines begin being blurred. Their line of consent is kind of blurred so they’re not able to give consent that they normally would when sober. Also, in society a lot of people think if a woman is wearing athletic clothes or clothes with more skin exposed then they’re asking for it, which is a really dangerous idea that should not be the case at all.”
Man C: “As far as perceptions, a lot of people think it’s less likely for men to get assaulted but they’re just less likely to talk about it for masculinity purposes. I think the idea that someone is asking for it is bogus. When a girl says no or you see she’s uncomfortable, that’s when you back off. There’s no excuse or exception for that.”
Man D: “I think guys and girls are both drunk and things get blurred. Especially in college. I think it’s probably most likely at a party.”
Do you think there’s a certain mold for what type of person would be an attacker?
Man A: “In criminology classes we talk about these kind of guys who have grown up badly, but at the end of the day I feel like anyone could be. If they grow up a certain way being told they can have everything they want then they wouldn’t recognize being told “no.” In college culture, there’s also the aspect of being away from home for the first time and people not reading the situation for what it really is.”
Man B: “A stereotypical one in my head would be a hyper masculine guy, but that’s the thing about a stereotypes; There’s not actually one image that fits an attacker. They can be any gender or look like anything and there can be a danger assuming that there’s one single mold for an attacker.”
Man C: “A terrible person. Honestly, there’s nothing more to it than that. It doesn’t matter how you were raised, who you’ve been with or not, that’s just a simple form of evil.”
Man D: “I would say a lot of people think it’s just stereotypical guys in frats. Personally, I think guys who feel belittled or small in life and are looking for a way to take it out on other people [are the stereotypical image].”
If someone came to you saying they’d been assaulted, would you believe them? Why do you think someone would question a survivor’s story?
Man A: “I know a few people who have been assaulted; One in college and someone when she was younger. When that comes up it’s automatically serious. It’s one of those words that should be taken super seriously. But for people who hear it’s happening to others and don’t believe, it I think they are thinking of it as a concept, not as something that really happened that’s actually serious.”
Man B: “I’ve had multiple people tell me they have [been assaulted] this year alone and I will always believe the victim. Sexual assault is one of the cases I think you should automatically believe them. It’s the only case in which I don’t think it should be innocent until proven guilty due to the seriousness of the effects on the victims both physically and mentally. People aren’t going out of their way to say that they were sxually assaulted.”
Man C: “I have friends that have told me that they’ve been assaulted and I would never question their credibility. I think in today’s society, people think that the woman is lying or that the allegations would come out to be false. I think that unfortunately, a few false cases have ruined what would have been automatic credibility for a lot of people. I also think the broad scope of what assault means has something to do with it. If someone says a co-worker touched them the wrong way, someone may not classify that as assault.”
Man D: “ I don’t think I know anyone who’s been assaulted, but I’d want to talk to them and get the two sides of the story before believing them off the bat. I think there’s a skewed line of what is assault that can lead to false accusations, like what I may consider assault others may not.”
What would you do if you found out someone you knew assaulted someone?
Man A: “Even though I couldn’t see my friends doing that, it’s scary to think that it’s technically possible that anyone could. It would be easy to say they’re my friend and they wouldn’t do that, but at the end of the day I’d have to report that and see what truth comes out. I have to believe in the law. If they’re telling the truth they have nothing to worry about.”
Man B: “If someone is making inappropriate comments about women then I’ve told them to chill out and said it’s not okay, but sexual assault is completely different. I’d want to report it, but I wouldn’t want to report for someone else because they may have personal reasons for not doing so. I’d definitely go to the person and see what I could do for them. As for the friend though, they’d definitely be cut off.”
Man C: “I would ask him to clarify what exactly he did and, honestly, I would probably not be able to refrain from beating him up. I’d also go to the girl and see if there was anything I could do. I’d see if she wanted him to be reported and what else I could do.”
Man D: “ If someone I knew assaulted someone out of malice, I would not be their friend anymore. If the girl it happened to wanted me to get involved then I would, but otherwise it’s something that wouldn’t be my place to get involved with.”
At what point would you intervene if you saw something that made you feel uncomfortable or make you think twice about a potential victim’s safety?
Man A: “I have a fairly good example of this. My friends and I went to a party and this one girl was drinking really hard to the point we had to carry her back to the car. During the party, guys kept coming up to her but she was at the point she could barely walk or talk and I had to make the call for her. I made sure she was done drinking and was okay the rest of the night.”
Man B : “Usually if I see someone at a party and it’s towards the end of it and people are drunk and lingering, I’d keep an eye out and see if someone seems uncomfortable or ask if they want me to get them a ride home. I don’t want to assume as an outsider and go in saying “leave her alone” unless there is a more obvious elevated situation.”
Man C: “I am a very protective individual over my female friends, but I would want to make sure to properly read the situation to see if they’re uncomfortable or okay with what’s happening. If they weren’t okay with the situation that’s when I’d step in and engage if the guys not taking no for an answer.”
Man D: “If a girl is repeatedly telling someone to stop or back off that’s the point I’d step in but otherwise it’s hard to gauge a situation. It’s hard to tell when to intervene and when to be skeptical because it’s normally none of your business.”
According to RAINN’s most recent statistics, only 20% of female student victims (age 18-24) report to law enforcement. Why you think most assaults aren’t reported?
Man A: “Whoever it is, guy or girl, they don’t want to be exposed. They’d rather not go to court and go through the drawn out process of having to tell all these people what happened. You don’t want to go through the victim blaming and let society judge you.”
Man B: “ I think it’s the fear of the attacker and that the attacker would come back to them. I’ve known a couple people who didn’t report because they were afraid for their safety and that their attacker would threaten them and ask them why the were ruining their life. As for men though, I think they don’t necessarily report because of society. I think that it’s not a masculine concept to report, which is another stigma that needs to talked about more.”
Man C: “I think it’s traumatizing to the point one doesn’t even know how to react. I can imagine a lot of girls shut down and push people out and don’t want to have to go through the trauma of reporting. I think the justice system is failing if it’s reported and nothings done about it because that’s violating the victims trust if they do decide to go to the police.”
Man D: “I think it all goes back to the blurred lines and when someone doesn’t really know if what happened was considered assault.They’re not really sure themselves what happened or have mixed feelings.”
As a male, how could you be an ally or change the perception of assault on campus?
Man A: “ All people want you to do is listen and be understanding of what happened. That’s all what they really want, not someone to try to force them to go to the police. That’s the best way to be an ally, letting your friends know you’d be there for them. There’s all these resources, but at the end of the day they may want a friend to just hear them out.”
Man B “Personally, I’m involved with Generation Action. We focus a lot on informing and talking to students about what consent is and providing resources for victims. Making sure sexual assault is a more widely discussed topic instead of being taboo will make it more preventable in the long run.”
Man C: “I would say letting my guy friends know that they need to pick up on social cues. If she’s curving you, then she’s curving you and [you need to] let it go. Don’t do anything stupid that would make someone feel uncomfortable.”
Man D: “I would say just by standing up for my beliefs. I don’t really think it’s a problem on campus aside from drunk people at parties. I would just say be aware of what you’re doing and who you’re with.”
Mason’s Student Support and Advocacy Center in SUB 1 3200 offers survivors resources both in-office and through the hotline at 703-993-3686.
Disclaimer: All content presented in this article are solely the views of the author or interviewees and are not a reflection of the Her Campus brand.