You are not alone.
Hi, my name is Samanvita, and I struggle with my mental health. Full disclosure, I have had a hair pulling disorder since I was 14. I was officially diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 16. Since then, I’ve tried a plethora of medications, most of which I can’t even pronounce. I’ve been in therapy for years now. I had to transfer out of my previous university because of my declining mental health. Mental illness runs in my family.
Related: Coping with a Mental Health Diagnosis
But, I’m not at all special. Like many of us, I’m just a girl in college who is constantly in a state of battle with her mind. I have a literal chemical imbalance in my brain just like so many others. According to the American Psychiatric Association, 60% of college students stated that they experienced at least one mental health challenge in 2021 (APA 2023). These rates are even higher for women, especially women with several marginalized identities.
No one ever talks about or brings awareness to these difficulties though. Society doesn’t acknowledge the hard parts of trying to achieve happiness or self-acceptance. All we see are candid laughs of girls with their sorority sisters and people going out with their roommates every other night on social media. Talking about mental health is taboo, apparently. However, not when your mental health is doing well; it’s only uncomfortable and awkward if you’re visibly struggling. This heavy stigma just makes it that much harder for people who already don’t have a good support system or the means to seek help.
Fortunately, I have access to resources that allow me to reach out to appropriate channels for help when I’m stuck in such desperate and vulnerable situations. I have had the privilege of trying new therapists when I felt a lack of emotional connection with my previous ones. I’m able to confide in my mom, my biggest supporter, when I feel like I might be relapsing. I have a sister who always validates my feelings when I need to talk to her about the challenges of being a woman of color in our unjust society.
I’m eternally grateful for all the opportunities and resources that have helped me become the person I am today. But sadly, not everyone is so lucky.
Of course, we are certainly making progress as a society by bringing these uncomfortable topics to the forefront and creating a more safe space. Even compared to a year ago, there is less of a stigma today surrounding disorders like borderline personality disorder. However, there is still so much progress to be made, especially with the rise of stressors like social media and schoolwork among students in college; mental health is undoubtedly worsening for university students.
For the longest time, it never seemed to me like there was light at the end of the tunnel; and to be honest, there are still a lot of days when I wake up and feel that way. I have moments where I start reliving the trauma from my old school. Sometimes I stare at myself in the mirror and wish I could have lighter skin. Other days I look next to my bed and see a pile of hairs that I unknowingly pulled out. All of these exacerbate my pre-existing depression and anxiety.
I want to remind everyone that regardless of where you are in your mental health journey right now, you are not alone. You are valid. And you matter. I’m so happy you’re here.
If you ever feel that you are in a mental health crisis, please call 988.