Academia Out of Context Part 5000000

 

Since Geneseo is now moving to online learning until further notice—probably all semester—we figured we would post the Academic Out of Context we’ve been working on all semester. Here are parts one, two and three.

 

“There is no such thing as equality … I mean economic equality.”
 
“Sometimes I like to think of sperm as being portrayed as the Seth Rogan character in a buddy movie.”
 
“People usually don’t say, ‘I don’t want to marry you because you communicate well.’”
 
“That’s my life now. I just step on toys in the dark and scream because it hurts.” 
 
“If you’re the person with five glass beakers — congratulations, you’re the class klepto. It’s time to give it back.”
 
“Sorry I haven’t answered any emails this morning. One of our colleagues got into a bicycle accident so I was a little distracted by that email. He’s ok just in pain.”
 
Student 1: “Today’s gonna be great ...”
Teacher: “Aw c’mon, don’t be like that. Where’s the enthusiasm?”
Student 2: “Today’s gonna be great!”
Teacher: “Don’t feed me your lies. It’s the day before break; it’s going to drag like a dead donkey tied to a cart.”
 
Student: How many of these [videos] are there?
Teacher: I think there’s like six?
      (Video on the board is labeled #7)
Teacher: *squints at computer screen* There might be ten.
 
“If I knew how to bake, I’d make a cake and I’d write “fuck applications” on it and we could stab it.”
 
“People with misgivings about immigration are pretty active on youtube”
 
“Le Baroque c’est umm … un big huge mess” 
 
“Euripides sounds like you’re getting bit by something and you’re like shrieking or something”
 
‘“That’s all we really need to know in life. Hell is other people and grumpy cat died” 
 
Professor: **Looks at clock. Looks at phone. “My phone is four minutes fast.”
Students: “No.”
 
“I’m 50! You guys gotta tell me this shit!” 
 
“I can never spell Galileo’s name. Don’t tell the Italian authorities or they’ll take away my passport.” 
 
“This was like a twitter war in the 17th century.”
 
“The war on drugs will never go away, because it’s useful.”
 
“You want diversity? You’ve got a lot more diversity in Walmart than this classroom.”
 
“Yeah you’ll have to cross the border and meet up with your blackmarket toilet dealer in Toronto.” 
 
“Everyone should travel and experience how other people use the bathroom.” 
 
“I can think of other ways to ingest semen, like you could put it in a spoon! Bet you didn’t expect that to be said in a classroom.”
 
“Cries are a baby’s currency.”
 
“I was on a mean streak when I sent out those Canvas messages … Please disregard those.”
 

Stay safe and healthy everyone!