Academia Out of Context

Everyone knows that professors can be a little eccentric. It‘s a stereotype that every college student can attest to. Combine this eccentricity with off-beat and specific topics or strange analogies and things can get pretty weird. Here are some examples of weird things our professors have said, but taken completely out of context. Enjoy!

 

"Socrates knows an erotic person when he sees one."

 

"I don't care if you were all born here, I'm calling I.C.E. to deport everyone.”

 

"America should stop investing in McDonalds or whatever and start investing in hip hop."

 

"Okay, well, political science majors are weird … you're the freaks."

 

"It becomes very sexy and very alluring to just say: here, you make all the decisions and we'll do what you say."

 

"Ah yes, I have always had a good relationship with the members of the CROWS, even the ones who always wear the tie.”

 

"So you drag the canoe up, upright it, get all the water out and pull your friend back in it. At this point, the camera is toast. What does this have to do with James Madison? Absolutely nothing."

 

“And the biggest bad daddy of them all was Santa Anna.”

 

“Thailand … land of the Thai …”

 

“They’re men, it’s easy to forget their names. They’re basically interchangeable.”

 

“Ascots and waistcoats, they’re the key to middle age.”

 

“Every scholar gets into the occult for a while and thinks they’ve found the secret to life.”

 

“I want to ride in a sports car wearing my Rolls Royce spray cologne … I think I just quoted Puff Daddy.”

 

“I just want to be a pretentious old man in the back of a smokey pub talking about poetry.”

 

“It’s very lonely when your homosocial friendship is replaced by a heterosexual relationship.”

 

“We all know the rugby guys WANT each other, but no homo bro.”

 

“Who knows the difference between a kink and fetish?”

 

“He died in the Civil War and never got married or laid, isn’t that tragic?”

 

“People used to wake up several times in the middle of the night and they’d read a book, eat a snack, go outside and say ‘hi’ to their neighbors and screw.”

 

“I bought my daughter a onesie from a thrift store that said ‘Chicks dig my tractor.’”

 

“Don’t you think I’m raising my daughter to be queer?”

 

“It seems like capitalism is the problem!”

 

“Don’t worry, Louis the XVI’s sex life will not be on the exam.”

 

“What do old people have to look forward to? ... Death!!!!”

 

“When I was younger I wanted to have sex with everyone! I would lay awake at night thinking about it. It tormented me!!”

 

“First, we need to get the fascist out of the white house.”

 

“You just can’t use the word bosom in a poem anymore, it’s sad.”

 

“None of you are ever going to find love!”

 

“I don’t mean to prepare students for the world like, “YAY capitalism!”

 

“This is bullshit! If you’re going to steal my tomatoes, at least eat them!”

 

“That’s witch sex. You’re going to have sex with a witch. Right around Halloween too!”

 

“Go fuck yourself! Just because you live in a capitalist hell doesn’t mean that I have to do the same!”

 

“Have you guys ever been on a Tinder date? Is Tinder out of date? I’m always trying to be cool with you kids. It never works. Anyway, let’s talk about suffering.”

 

“Red bull gives you wings. Death wings.”

 

“I’m a straight man! Do you think I want to look at a dude’s hand?!”

 

So yeah, professors can get pretty wacky ...