As winter break came to a close, I wanted to get on the next flight to anywhere that was not Georgia. I wished that break was a week longer and that I didn’t have to return to school. After getting dropped off on campus, the only thing that I had on my mind was how much I was dreading the new semester.
This semester, I had decided to take a hard combination of classes, which could very well ruin my GPA and might therefore result in me losing the source to pay my tuition– my academic scholarship. Adding onto the pile of dread I had developed, none of the friends I had made last semester or last summer were going to have any classes with me, so I would have to struggle with making new ones– a source of anxiety for me since I’m not very social. I also worried about losing those friendships I already had. I knew I would be humbled once again by my classmates who seemingly understood the class material at first introduction and would ask questions, while I had no idea what the heck my professor was talking about. Often times, I would feel too lost and embarrassed to ask. Coming into this semester, I was so worried that this stress would cause me to reach yet another emotional and mental low; waking up feeling inadequate and depressed- which killed my motivation for college as a whole in the past. However, the anxiety I have about this semester may have good outcomes. I know that the friends I’ve made are the best ones I’ve made in a while, so they will make sure that I’m doing okay. I’m finally finishing up my core classes and dipping my toes in my major specific classes, and I know my classmates passed these classes. If they could pass, what prevents me from doing the same? I have professors that care if I understand the material and actually have a passion for the topics they are teaching about. Besides classes, I’m so excited to return to collaborative projects outside of the classroom and work with those teammates. Music has always brought me joy, so I’m also excited that I will make time to participate in treble choir.
It’s been over a year since I’ve reached my worst mental low and now I know what to do whenever I’m feeling stressed or inadequate, and who to talk to when those feelings get unbearable. After several semesters here, I now understand that grades will not make or break me, and even if things go wrong, I can always bounce back!
Anxiety is something I’ve learned to acknowledge recently. There is no shame in being worried about the future and outcomes of certain circumstances. Believe it or not, everyone has struggles, but it may seem as if your struggles are much worse. No matter how big or small your struggles may seem relative to others, it is always important to be aware and seek help to grow from these struggles.
I also learned that it’s important to know that things may not always go wrong; this semester might be filled with stress and anxiety, but I know that it will be filled will new beginnings and growth. I hope and pray this mindset will carry me, as well as anyone whose reading this, throughout this semester and decade. Cheers to the new year, the new decade, and the new semester.