Throughout my time at Furman, I have been through my fair share of good friendships and bad friendships. Friends that have had my back, friends that have “stabbed” me in the back, friends that have stayed, friends that have strayed away… and in all, I feel like I have learned when it is time to end a friendship. For me, there were four types of friendships I found I needed to end. Here they are.
- The subtly mean friend
This friend is the type of person who will single you out and make you feel small, only to claim that it is a joke when you get upset. Spoiler alert: it’s not a joke when it happens frequently and you are left in tears, feeling isolated from any group this person is in. If you encounter a person like this, run far away & don’t look back.
- The friend who dumps on you
This friend is the type of person who truly just uses you to talk about their trauma, boy drama, or life without ever asking you how you are doing. If they do ask you, it’s a second thought and more like they’re just checking a box to say that they’ve asked. Friendships should not be one-sided. While different friends serve different purposes, no friend should just be asking you to fill their cup while ignoring yours.
- The friend who is disloyal
This friend, in my experience, comes with many subcategories. This type of friend could befriend a person who physically or mentally hurt you deeply, tell your private business to others, or be rooting for you to your face yet hoping you don’t do well behind your back. Again, run fast and run far away from these types of friends. It will save you a lot of pain in the end.
- The friend who uses trauma as an excuse to lash out
This friend is someone who needs to go to therapy. I understand traumatic experiences can cause people to act a certain way, but I do not believe that should enable a friend from acting a certain way time after time. Whether it is the friend who constantly drinks too much and lashes out on friends or one who is mean to you just because you know they’re trauma – it is not okay. You are not responsible for fixing them. At best, you can tell them to seek help but you, alone, cannot fix that.
In all, no one is a perfect friend. While I’d like to think that I try, I often fall short. It’s important to acknowledge how you can improve as a friend day-in and day-out just as much as it is important to reflect on the friendships in your lives. It is also important to set boundaries and know when a friend crosses the line one too many times.
Life is too short to be surrounded by friends you don’t trust or feel your happiest around.