For as long as I can remember, I have dealt with depression and anxiety. The smallest occurrences can send my body into a full panic mode. Sometimes, an overcrowded grocery store can cause my mind and body to completely shut down for a few minutes. Many college students relate to the flood of emotions that occur with these severe mental health issues. I do not say this to receive sympathy from anyone; I do not want it. I’m not writing this for pity, or as a cry for help. I have learned how to cope with my mental illness. For anyone reading this with a mental illness, I hope you have found your solution too.
With recent events involving the Marjory Stoneman Douglas shooting, it’s no surprise that mental illness has been a hot topic. Mental illness commonly becomes linked with the reason monsters commit such heinous crimes. Well, I’m here to say, mental illness does not cause these actions. Mental illness is not a scapegoat. Mental illness does not cause crimes. Mental illness does not define a person. My mental illness does not define me.
Photo Courtesy: Well Doing
My personal story began in middle school. At the time, I was unaware of what was occurring. I believed I was just sad and that it was a moody teenager phase that I would grow out of. I, myself, believed the stigmatism that it was just part of puberty. More time passed and I didn’t grow out of it. Come my sophomore year of high school, I first saw a therapist. My dad was going through a divorce from my step-mom, and they agreed it was best if I had an unbiased party to speak to. Hesitantly, I agreed. Once I was in my first session, my therapist quickly found the way to open up my mind. She created a safe space to talk and release all the stress I had held in for so long. With no surprise, a few sessions in, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. We discussed my options for treatment, whether or not I wanted to be put on medication. Pills were not the solution for me; I did not want to deal with the side effects some undergo. I decided to just keep meeting with her since it had seemed to help. While I do not go to see my therapist anymore, she remains the sole purpose of how I learned to live with the problems I do have. She gave me methods to work on my depression and anxiety without medication. Although it was not my choice, I am not saying medication cannot work. Many people have seen the benefits of pharmaceuticals and need them to get through their day. The most important step is finding the method to work for you personally. I found my escape in the things I love: art, music, and even my writing.
My point today, though, is not to focus on the how I have learned to cope. An article posted by CNN found here, describes the behavior of the shooter. In which, they emphasize that Nikolas Cruz self-harmed after a break-up with a girlfriend back in 2016. Spoken as if his issues rationalize why he did this. Never has a mental illness made me want to harm another human being. Never has my mental illness made me plan a deliberate, well-thought-out attack. My point is, I do not let this mental illness control my life. The shooter’s mental illness is not to blame. He is to blame.
Photo Courtesy: Miami New Times
I cannot explain how frustrating it is to have people narrow me down to a single characteristic. When people meet me, they cannot see the depression or anxiety. It is not a physical attribute that you notice as soon as you come into contact with someone. It is an attribute that must be learned if a person chooses to disclose that information. I am courageous, intelligent, compassionate… I could go on and on. What I refuse to be are the mental illnesses that I live with. I am me.
If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health issues, take advantage of your resources, such as:
– Talk to a friend: While this one seems obvious, sometimes those who are struggling do not feel like they have anyone to turn to. Make sure your friends know that you will be there for them if they need it.
– University Counseling – A majority of large universities will offer to counsel free for students and will remain completely confidential.
– Hotlines: Yes, this includes the suicide hotline, but there is so many more. Find the top 25 here.