E. E. Cummings once said, “Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.” There is a common misconception that confidence is something you either have or you don’t. But despite contrary belief, confidence is not something you are born with. It is something you build through wisdom and experience, something that happens when your negative self-perception is overcome by the knowledge of your success. For some, this comes as easily as a breath. For others, not so much. However, it is nothing more than a learning curve, and by inserting a few habits or mindsets into your life, with time, confidence will come easily to you as well.
1) Stand or Sit in a Confident Posture
This one might seem a little silly. How could the way you stand or sit affect your entire psyche? However, Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy and others have studied the positive effects of confident body postures on our hormones. Cuddy’s research shows that an individual’s posture doesn’t just indicate a person’s level of self-confidence – it can even send psychological signals to your brain, telling you what you’re feeling. So, in everyday life, make it a habit to be aware of how your posture is. Think regal. Imagine a string attached to the top of your head, pulling your entire spine up. Push your shoulders back. Lift your chin. And remember, as stupid as it sounds, a smile goes a million miles.
You can watch Cuddy’s video here if you wish for more information.
Courtesy: Brooke Lark
2) Give Yourself Permission
Give yourself permission to not be there yet. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and take risks. A large part of the lack of self-confidence is the fear of failure. What we never take into consideration is the fact that failure is essential in success, and that in order to reach our goals, we must make mistakes and face our weaknesses. Allow yourself to be a learner. Allow yourself to fail. Trust that it is okay to not be perfect. You’re still in the process of living.
3) Fake it ‘til you Make it.
It takes about 21 days to form a habit. That is 21 days of looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself, “you are beautiful, you are successful, and you have the world in front of you.” It is 21 days of taking your negative thoughts and turning them around, changing, “I can’t do this,” to, “I just need more practice.” Or, “I’m a failure,” to, “I’ve worked hard to get to where I am.” Fake it ‘til you make it may sound like an overused phrase that gets thrown around by those who have never had to “fake it,” but it is an incredibly useful tool in a newly learned behavior.
4) Embrace Self-Doubt
This one may sound like an oxymoron. How does embracing self-doubt help you gain self-confidence? Isn’t self-confidence the opposite of doubting yourself? But self-doubt is an essential part of our humanity. Doubt is what causes our fear, our procrastination, and our confidence. The best way to gain confidence is not by waiting for it to come, but by facing the things that scare you. Confidence is not the sun. It won’t come around when the time is right. Don’t wait for yourself to be 100% confidence before proceeding, or else you may never get there.
Courtesy: Emma Matthews
5) Get to Know Yourself
Before going into battle, the wisest general takes the time to get to know his enemy incredibly well. When you are trying to overcome a negative self-image and gain confidence, the enemy is you. It is a man-vs-self plot, where your psyche is fighting against you, trying to prevent you from reaching where you want to be. Get to know your enemy. Listen to your thoughts. Become aware of what they’re trying to tell you. Keep a journal. Write down your thoughts and why they make take negative turns – what triggers them? And then notice the things you like about yourself. Notice the things you do well or the things you don’t do well but still like to do. Notice your limitations and think about whether they are really there or if you just put them there artificially to block yourself from the things that scare you. Dig deep within yourself to get to know your enemy.
Final Message: It’s a Process
The bottom line is that self-confidence isn’t something you can gain overnight, and it is not something that you just get and keep for the rest of your life. It is a lot of work to gain and maintain. Self-confidence waxes and wanes as you develop and go through situations that challenge you. Inevitably, we will face a situation that requires us to draw from a deep well of self-esteem and resilience. We all experience moments that challenge our confidence. But once we understand the sources of our confidence, we can work on cultivating it within ourselves.