Your Energy Is Expensive is my space to unpack what it really means to protect your peace. Inspired by my own experiences with toxic people, environments, and poor mental health, this column explores how to honor your feelings, nurture healthy connections, and find joy in the small moments.
I’ll share lessons I’ve learned through these experiences. Along the way, I’ll recommend songs that helped me through hard days, hoping they might bring you comfort. At its core, this column is about valuing your energy, choosing where it goes, and creating space for the things that make you feel whole.
As a college student, many areas of life require a lot of energy. I’ve found myself struggling to balance academics, extracurriculars, career advancement opportunities, and relationships. This can make it tough to take care of yourself and recharge.
To protect your precious energy, you must set boundaries. Boundaries can be as simple as staying home from a party or blocking a toxic ex, but as an overthinker, setting them is difficult sometimes.
Overthinkers like myself are constantly afraid of hurting other people’s feelings, even at the expense of their own. Typically, they end up more hurt than before because they allow people to treat them poorly. Trust me, I’ve lived this way my whole life until I learned how to set boundaries.
Remember Your Necessities
If the boundary you’re setting is something you need to do, either for your mental health or just your overall wellbeing, the people in your life who love you and who are important to you will understand.
For example, if I needed to stay home from my friend’s party because I was too anxious or depressed to go, I’d remind myself: You need to stay home. Your friends will understand. Your needs are important; you’re allowed to have them. Having affirmations like those can really help when it comes to setting boundaries, because it puts things into perspective.
Let’s say your friends do get mad at you for skipping their party for mental health reasons. Are those the types of friends you want to have around? Ultimately, setting boundaries helps you recognize who truly respects both you and your needs, and that’s something worth valuing.
Follow Logic to setting boundaries
Overthinkers can easily let their minds wander into illogical thinking patterns. For instance, thinking something along the lines of: They didn’t text me back right away, so they must be mad at me or don’t like me anymore. This kind of thinking can create unnecessary anxiety and tension, even when the other person’s behavior has a normal explanation.
In my experience, the same kind of illogical thinking pattern occurs when overthinkers try to set boundaries. We think, if I tell my roommate I need quiet time to study, they’ll think I’m rude or don’t like them, or if I say no to hanging out because I need time to recharge, my friends will think I don’t care about them.
Deep down, we know that these thoughts aren’t serving us, and the next logical step in all of these scenarios is to set a boundary. Following through with doing so may feel extremely uncomfortable, especially when you’re used to putting others first. However, once I started doing things for myself, I realized that I wasn’t afraid of setting the boundary; I was just scared of the repercussions.
Setting boundaries is one of the most powerful ways to protect your mental health. It reminds you that your needs matter just as much as anyone else’s, and over time, the more you practice communicating those limits, the easier it becomes to quiet the overthinking and find peace in honoring yourself.
For me, the song “David” by Lorde, especially the lyric “I don’t belong to anyone,” is what solidified this idea. No one belongs to anyone but themselves. You’re responsible for your own feelings, and other people are responsible for theirs. If your boundaries hurt other people, that’s not your fault. I’ve found that sometimes, it’s a matter of finding the people who will respect your boundaries.
Setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s essential. As overthinkers, it’s easy to feel guilty or anxious about prioritizing ourselves, but protecting our energy allows us to show up fully in the areas of life that truly matter
Boundaries teach others how to treat us, and more importantly, they remind us that our feelings and needs are valid. By practicing self-respect and honoring your limits, you create space for healthier relationships, personal growth, and peace of mind. Remember, your energy is precious — treat it like so.
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