I think we’ve all heard the phrase “no is a full sentence,” but is it something we always practice? Much of our culture is centered on pleasing those around us, sometimes to the detriment of our own well-being. How can we make saying “no” a necessity instead of a letdown?
One of the biggest things that stops us from saying “no” is the fear of missing out (FOMO). Friends are hanging out, and maybe you shouldn’t; maybe you don’t have the time, you’re feeling sick, or you have homework to do. However, if you don’t go, then you’re thinking about how they’re having fun and making memories without you.
This ricochet of thoughts gets between you and a mindful night in. So, before you say yes to things you aren’t sure about, have a checklist. Are there productive things that I urgently need to do? Am I sick? Will this make me sicker and mess up my whole week? Am I in the mood to go out, or would I be a bummer? Can I afford to go out? While these questions aren’t foolproof, they help you have a more holistic and well-rounded view of what saying “yes” or “no” entails.
There have been times when I’ve gone out and I wasn’t totally sold on it, and if one thing set me off, I’d spend the night thinking about all the better uses of my time. Obviously, these questions can be overridden; sometimes you do need some joy and light in your life, and going out can help with that. However, making that decision fueled by anxiety is probably not the way to go.
Next, after saying “no,” it’s time to craft your perfect night in. For me, this includes a candle, a hot shower followed by my most deliciously scented lotion, and curling up in my bed doing some assignments, and maybe even watching a movie after. Of course, don’t forget the perfect fall playlist!
Some of my favorite nights are the ones I spend at home alone while my roommates go out. It’s all about knowing yourself and knowing what you need, and sometimes what you need is a relaxing night in.
The final step to avoiding FOMO is making future plans with your friends. If you can’t go out that night, figure out another time to spend time with them. Plan a coffee date where you can get all the juicy details from the night out, or try some perfect fall activities, like baking, going to a pumpkin patch, or enjoying the cool weather with a walk through the park.
However, this doesn’t mean we should always say no; humans are social creatures and need community to survive. Sometimes you shuck your responsibilities a bit because you crave some excitement and joy, which shouldn’t always be the case, but every once and a while, it’s good for the soul.
While being a hermit is okay, you also want to try to say yes to things that challenge you. Not everything in life is comfortable, and you have to be willing to push yourself a little bit to live life to the fullest. As much as I advocate for saying “no,” I also want to challenge everyone to say “yes” a little more.
I think that saying “no” to the people we care about can feel scary. We’ve been conditioned as a society to prioritize making others happy, as opposed to making ourselves happy. Sometimes, you do have to say “no,” even if you don’t want to, because it’s the best decision for yourself.
Make smart decisions as finals season approaches and spend time with the people you care about when you can, but don’t forget to say “no” when you need to.
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