When we hear the word “performative,” it usually has a negative connotation. We think of people who put on a facade online and make their lives look perfect when they really aren’t. However, after seeing so many influencers share the same routines and habits, I got curious and decided to try some of them myself. Even though it felt a little fake at first, those small changes unexpectedly ended up making a real difference in my life.
changing my CAFFEINE
It started small. Instead of my third energy drink or coffee of the day (which usually ended with my hands shaking at Strozier Library at the end of the night), I started drinking green tea.
Did I like tea? Not really. But “performative” me was a tea drinker. I romanticized the cute mugs and the “calm, clean girl energy” it supposedly gave me. After three weeks of acting like a tea person, I realized I actually felt better. The jitters were gone, and suddenly, my skin was clearing up. That’s when I realized the performance was actually paying off.
becoming a runner
If you had told me in high school that I’d run a half-marathon, I would’ve laughed in your face. I used to barely be able to run two miles at the beginning of freshman year; then I ran 13.1 halfway through. I started “performing” as a runner. It started with the little things like buying running shoes, tracking my runs, and posting my routes like I was suddenly an influencer. I was basically cosplaying like someone who enjoyed running (when I really didn’t).
Then I compulsively signed up for a half-marathon. Training for 13.1 miles was the ultimate act. For the entire month of January, I’d run at least five times a week, slowly turning into a Strava addict just trying to keep up with my training.
What started as something that felt a little like an act eventually became real. By the time I crossed the finish line, I wasn’t pretending to be a runner anymore; I was staring at a medal that said I was one.
trying pilates
Somewhere along the way, I also accidentally became a Pilates girl. At first, Pilates was another thing I was just “trying out” because it looked aesthetic online. The matching workout sets, the soft music, the idea of having a toned and put-together routine, I loved every bit of it.
The first few classes humbled me quickly. Suddenly, muscles I didn’t even know existed are shaking. Regardless, I kept going. At first, it was part of the same performance. I wanted to be the kind of person who did Pilates after class and had some sort of balanced routine instead of just gym sessions that are all over the place.
Just like everything else, the act slowly turned into something real. I started noticing that I felt stronger, my posture improved, and my body felt better. What started as me trying to match an aesthetic slowly became something I genuinely enjoyed doing.
my takeaways
Looking back, I realized something about being “performative.” Sometimes the version of yourself you’re pretending to be is actually just the version you’re becoming.
A lot of the habits we admire in other people don’t start naturally. Sometimes the easiest way to build them is by acting like the kind of person who already has them. Eventually, the act stops feeling like an act, and sometimes pretending to be the person who has their life together is the first step toward actually becoming them.
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