I’ve spent a lot of time listening to music: any genre, any language, any artist! If I like it, it goes on my playlist. This habit has given me a playlist a mile long that captures my every want and whim, ultimately acting as my life’s soundtrack. Years of my changing tastes are listed in order, and on any day, I can scroll from top to bottom to find a song to fit the mood I’m aiming for.
This habit of “aiming” for a certain mood is something I started a few years ago, at the height of the sad girl pop era that defined the late 2010s into 2020. Although I loved the songs of artists like Melanie Martinez and Mitski, the blatant and raw reflection of my insecurities wasn’t always the best way to make myself feel good.
How Music Affected Me
Pop music has gone through many eras over the years, defining and redefining the genre based on the popular tastes of the time. Playing songs on the radio shifted to streaming, letting us choose what we wanted to listen to and enabling us to listen to the same thing repeatedly. As an impressionable young adult, my choices led me into an echo chamber of “Blue” by Halsey and “Summertime Sadness” by Lana Del Ray.
While I still love these songs, they’re not exactly the most inspiring pieces. With music forming the score of my every activity, I started to see the world through the lens of the songs I was listening to. I was seeing doors close instead of open, focusing on what was behind me rather than what stood ahead.
Taking a step back, the playlist wasn’t the only thing to blame, but it sure wasn’t helping. Music is made to be consumed, resonated with, and brought into the deepest parts of you, and I decided that I needed to start consuming stuff that felt a little better on the way in. If I wanted to feel good, my soundtrack needed to change. Feel-good music was calling my name, and I finally needed to answer.
How I Changed My Soundtrack
Changing my whole playlist couldn’t happen overnight, but I had to start somewhere. My love of all things music made this less of a challenge than it could be for most people, but it was still difficult.
The easiest thing to do was to start with what I knew; the same artists I always listened to were happy at least some of the time, right? Finding happiness from the sad girls let my music match my desired vibe while still being stuff I loved. From then on, it was a race to find more of the good and do my best to feel it.
I went in search of a different beat, one that added a spring to my step. While I doubted that anything could change for a long time, I began to see how shifting my musical tone created a new mood, which reflected in how I carried myself. I started dancing through life in my own way. Walking through the rain became a stroll rather than a trudge — I was waiting for the clouds to part rather than expecting a downpour.
I’ll always and forever love the music of our resident sad girls. Without a doubt, sadder songs have helped me feel community in emotions that are hard to express or admit, and they continue to be key parts of my life. Everyone needs a good cry every once in a while, but the sunshine comes back, and opening my ears helped me open my eyes to see the brightness.
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