If you’re like me, you’re a strong and independent girl. Always have been. Growing up, you were admired for your independence. You pride yourself on the sole fact that if you want something done, you could do it yourself. Dating was never your main focus but you didn’t reject the attention you received from flirtatious guys. Until you met him.
We met in one of our core classes since we share the same major. We sat next to one another and completed class projects and papers together. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, and I wasn’t attracted to him the first time I met him, but there was something about him that made me wonder if it was time for a serious boyfriend. He expressed interest so I thought, why not? I never wanted to be committed to someone because I was so committed to my studies that I didn’t think there was sufficient balance. Only several months later would I realize I should have trusted my intuition. I don’t regret our relationship, though.
The time spent together was exhilarating. I never met someone who I was so compatible and myself with. We enjoyed visiting hidden gems around town, adventuring outside, and playing video games on the couch. When I was with him, I felt a sense of comfort and protection I had never felt before. Whenever our skin would touch, it felt like our bodies were electric. I was falling in love with him.
Fast forward to where it all went wrong. After a pregnancy scare, we were on the rocks. I didn’t want to accept it, but this was his out. He started acting distant and unresponsive. He would say everything was okay, but I knew it wasn’t. I had to try and save us, so in the most desperate attempt, I told him I was falling in love with him. In my head, he was feeling the same way too but instead of reciprocating his feelings, he told me, “I think we should take a break.” It was the week right before Thanksgiving break so I insisted we just break up now. But when he agreed, I couldn’t let go. I went out-of-town that weekend and our agreement was to give each other space while I was gone. But for three days, I couldn’t handle the fact that not only did he not want to talk to me, but he didn’t want me. I called him on my way home to get it over with. I knew when I got back, I was just going to have my heart broken so why prolong the inevitable? Our phone call lasted about five minutes where he was letting me know it was him not me, and I was trying to not let the strangers at the gas station see the tears rolling down my face. For the following weeks, he would try and talk to me like I was a victim. Like I was so hurt and unable to function. I wouldn’t even make eye contact with him. I thought I was strong.
Looking back now, I was weak but at the time, I felt hopeless. I so desperately wanted to save the first good relationship in my life. But it wasn’t good. I became blind to his intentions with other girls and how his behavior changed with me. So, we broke up and still had to sit next to one another for the remainder of the semester. After our final exam, I blindsided him by handing him his things and left to what I hoped would be the last time I saw him. I felt powerful. I was finally free of him, and I was ready to get back to the kick-ass independent girl I’ve always been.
Fast forward a few months and I see his name light up on my screen. WHY?! was my first instinct. I was over him, totally removed him from my life. And just when I thought I was over him, “Hey” was enough for me to get sucked right back in. My family and friends were so against this recent interaction of ours. They were upset I even responded, and I just told them it was because I felt sorry for him. He must have finally realized what he lost. And he did.
Fast forward a month, he calls me to apologize. Never did I think I would get an apology, especially from him. He expressed to me that his actions were inexcusable and unjustifiable. True and true but this isn’t what drew me back. He shows up at my door with flowers. I was prepared to slam the door in his face, but he looked at me with those blue eyes and I let him in.
The rest is confidential for the sake of my dignity, but we are not back together. If you take away anything, I hope it’s to not follow my path but to learn from it. Don’t make the same mistakes I did. And trust your gut. For the love of all things good, trust. your. gut. And if you’ve been through or are going through this, you’re not alone. The day I came back to campus, I witnessed a couple sitting outside the library on a bench breaking up in the same way my relationship ended. She was flustered by his reasoning because of course ladies, he won’t make sense. I wanted to go over to her, link arms and laugh at him together because that was another guy who lost a good thing. I didn’t have that talk for closure because I didn’t need it. And you don’t either. He’s not going to tell you anything that will help you cope or give you a reason for why things went south. With a delicate topic like this, it’s easy to say you would do things differently, even I did before our relationship but how I got closure was finally removing him from my life across all platforms. Save yourself the trouble and remember, you’re a kick-ass girlboss who doesn’t rely on anyone for their worth.