Navigating a new relationship in college can be tough. Many of us are exploring our first “real” relationship, and we quickly learn that it’s nearly impossible to be happy 100% of the time. In September, I was working an on-campus event for an organization when I spotted some people I’ve met a couple of times in the past. I went up quickly to give a friendly hello to my boyfriend’s companions, but the scenario took a turn for the worst when I was immediately met with the cold shoulder. Thinking of the unproblematic times I’ve shared with them before, I shook it off thinking it could be a misunderstanding. I tried to go on with discussing what my organization was there for, but every sentence I could mutter out was met with sarcasm and laughter. Super confused, I walked away, trying to muster up reasons as to why I was met with this mean girl effect. I later brought up the scenario to my boyfriend, trying to bring some understanding or an explanation. I was worried that, somehow, his friends didn’t like me. This would be a bummer to me, as I feel that it is important in any relationship, to be able to mingle with people who could potentially be important to your s.o. My partner assured me it must have been a mistake, which I convinced myself was true until the next Friday night came along.
That Friday my roomies and I were invited to a social gathering at my boyfriend’s best friend’s house. We were excited to get out of the house, especially me since I haven’t had many opportunities to get to know these friends. Upon arriving, we were met with stares, which was understandable since we were the only people who didn’t know everyone in the room. However, as the night went on, we noticed that the same group of girls would stare at us, whispering into each other’s ears. Caught off-guard by these high school antics, my roommate wanted to squash the tension and went over to start a conversation but was immediately shut down. They spent the rest of the time avoiding us. The night just confirmed my suspicions from a few days before. I wasn’t sure where to go from here, I wanted to make it better or at least learn why. Then my boyfriend sent a text to his friends asking the reasoning behind this, the response was that they thought I “wasn’t good enough” for him.
Hearing this was, in a way, disheartening. I had been dating my boyfriend for over a year at this point and wasn’t sure how I was supposed to navigate this conflict. Also hearing this made me angry, mostly because these people don’t know anything about me or what I’ve done for my relationship. It just seemed so unfair that I could only have friendly encounters and then be told that it was basically all for show or fake. What was bizarre to me was that I was involved in what felt like high school drama and there was no way to fix it at this point. I was not up to squash whatever issue there apparently was, because I’m the type of person who hates confrontation and I quite honestly didn’t want anything to do with this person. There was no way I was ever going to be on friendly terms with this person, and why would I want to be? Why would I want to be friends with someone who can rid people off so quickly and carry this mean girl energy? I’m not this type of person and neither are any of my friends.
After the whole debacle, I asked to not be in a social setting with these people again, as I didn’t want to be associated. I haven’t seen them since, and this wasn’t difficult since my boyfriend stopped hanging out with them long before the situation occurred. For a long time though, I held this anger in me. I realized this past week after being invited to a Christmas shindig that these people were going to be at, that being mad isn’t going to change anything. So, I’ve decided to not be mad anymore. Harboring these negative emotions is the last thing I would need at the end of the semester and year, and why give them the satisfaction? I spent the last week or so saying I’m not going to this event, but the past day or two have given me a change of heart. Why coward out? Isn’t this what they’ll want? Why give them the satisfaction? So, I will be in attendance and will enjoy myself. If they choose to continue to be rude and hate me, so be it. They’re not my friends, and not even really my boyfriend’s either. Whenever I’ve had similar conflicts in high school, my mom would always say “Vanessa everyone wasn’t raised the same as you and not everyone is going to like you”, who knew I’d have this old advice in the back of my mind today? She always told me to come from a place of understanding, which I’m going to test out in the future.
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