When Instagram announced they were testing out a new feature to hide the number of likes on photos, I remember there were two kinds of reactions. Some people were upset because they wanted to see how many other people liked their content. Others were happy because they looked forward to sharing content they liked, just because they liked it. Initially, I was a part of the former group. I didn’t want to have my likes taken away. How else would I know that people liked what I shared or that they liked me? Well, it’s taken a minute, but I’ve come around.
About three months ago, I shared a photo on Instagram of my best friend and me. It was a picture of us getting brunch together one morning, and I thought we looked nice. As soon as I posted it, I started checking the app every five minutes to see how it was doing. The longer it went without receiving a “good” amount of attention, the more I thought about taking it down. Why, though? Why did I care? Was my self-worth that dependent on external validation?
The answer is yes, it was. I was embarrassed when a post didn’t do “well” for others to see. It wasn’t enough for me to like a picture of myself; I needed to prove that other people did as well. I needed others to see exactly how many other people liked it. I had to prove that people liked me. On other social media platforms such as TikTok, I felt I had to get likes, views or followers in order to be able to post. I constantly compared myself to those on social media who got more likes or had bigger followings than I did. I thought, “maybe if my body looked like hers, or my skin was as flawless as theirs, people would like me more.” I realized that in constantly comparing myself to other women on social media, I was harming myself. I wasn’t treating myself or my body the way I should have been. Moreover, I realized that for so long I wouldn’t put something on social media that made me happy because I cared more about whether it would make other people happy.
So, I turned it all off. Notifications for anything related to social media (except Taylor Swift on Twitter; girl likes to drop albums with no notice) were all silenced. I don’t get told when someone follows me on Instagram, or likes my video on TikTok, or sends me a DM offering me $1,000 a week to be their sugar baby. I don’t look at the number of likes a picture receives because it doesn’t matter.
As a result of turning off my Instagram like count, or any social media notifications, I can’t say my mental health has miraculously or drastically improved. That alone won’t fix any problems. What I can say though, is that it’s a relief to use social media in a way that brings me joy. I don’t need the validation of other people when I post a photo of myself, my friends or even my cat. I post things because I like them, not because I want to be liked.
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