“Am I the only one I know, waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?”
–Twenty One Pilots
The psychiatrist’s Bible, better known as the current DSM-5, defines depression (colloquially) as “a medical illness that affects how you feel, think and behave causing persistent feelings of sadness and loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities” and anxiety as “a chronic and impairing disorder, independent of its substantial comorbidity with other mental disorders.”
I often define the above illnesses as a precaution, as many individuals (including myself, Collegiettes!) constantly refer to depression and anxiety in interchangeable, incorrect, and inappropriate ways. I have struggled with these aforementioned monsters since I was in fifth grade – at least, that was when I realized what was going on.
During my junior year of high school, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) which was quickly followed by a diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). My beloved psychiatrist classified both of these mental illnesses under the category of “mood disorders.” I spent the next year and a half bouncing back and forth from various medications known as SSRIs. As of right now, I’m content with my Zoloft. I take 100 mg religiously, knowing that missing even a single dosage can mess up my entire day. The summer after my freshman year of college brought another, and hopefully final, diagnosis – Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).
As numerous other sufferers of mental illness can confirm, we have good lives. I have a good life. My parents are still married, I have two younger sisters, I’m attending the school of my dreams, dating the guy of my dreams and I’m making my passions into a career. However, not unlike a physical ailment, mental illness causes something to be off within my body. The chemicals that basically control my happiness are a little out of whack, an issue that is significantly alleviated by SSRIs. It should be noted that I have never been one to take a medication just for the heck of it. Prior to my experiences with SSRIs, I had probably taken 10 single painkillers in my lifetime. I am not one to effortlessly pop pills, but after finding that lifestyle choices had little impact on my mental illnesses, I decided to seek help in another form.
Courtesy: Blisstree
The title of this post is “The Battle between My Ears,” and I don’t know of a truer description for mental illness. The past nine years of living with these mood disorders have been a mental roller coaster, to say the least. Depression and anxiety are trials I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The dark cloud that always hovers with depression and the elephant sitting on your chest that comes with anxiety are both awful, awful things. However, they are awful, awful things that have become my teachers.
I’ve learned to not judge someone based on how they act on the outside. I can mask my way through a social situation, laughing and talking and flirting, only to have a panic attack in the bathroom. You never know what mental (or emotional) battle someone is waging.
I’ve learned to come prepared. I know how to best handle a panic attack and how to get through those dark days. I know which songs calm me down and which times in the day are the best times to complete tasks, and I know which situations that I should avoid like the plague.
I’ve learned to be grateful for the seemingly little or mundane things. Blogging. Hot coffee. Milano cookies. Quality time with my best friend. My loving boyfriend. Rainy days. Good shifts at work. Filled Brita filters. A made bed. A phone that works. Laughs with my roommates. Funny group chats. The color red. Clean socks. Memories. Good memories. Bad memories that taught me something. Sunny days. Family.
I’ve learned to not make fun of the kid in class who twitches his foot, taps his pen or can’t seem to stop talking. Sometimes what we mistake for bad behavior is just a case of ADD or ADHD.
It is also important that we understand the murky depths that these mental disorders can have. Your day was not necessarily “depressing” rather, you probably had a few rough patches throughout the 24-hour period. Your need to wash your hands before dinner is probably not a symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder, and your need for alone time after work does not qualify you for having antisocial personality disorder. These mental problems are far too real, and it is imperative that we do not downplay the severity of these life-altering issues.
Courtesy: General Board of Church & Society of the United Methodist Church
My depression, anxiety or ADD does not define me. Rather, it is just a part of who I am. I am a daughter, sister, best friend, explorer, girlfriend, thinker, roommate, supervisor, writer, niece, employee, traveler, granddaughter, dreamer and so much more. I am not a quack, crazy person or psycho.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with any sort of mental or emotional issue, please get help! You’re not alone, you’re not weird and you’re probably not equipped to handle this trial on your own.
• The University Counseling Center (UCC) is a fantastic on-campus resource that can help provide you with free counseling for any emotional or mental issue you might be going through!
• If circumstances get dire enough for you to contemplate taking your life, please dial the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1(800) 273-8255! There are people who make it their life’s work to help and comfort those who are suffering.
As a society, we must ask ourselves a few questions:
At what point did mental illness become a taboo topic?Must an illness be visible for someone to have it?Why do we oftentimes give more credibility to physical illnesses than we do to disorders that manifest themselves mentally?