Anxiety has encapsulated me for the majority of my life. Sometimes in moments of self-reflection, I will find that I am anything but okay. Sometimes it sneaks up on me, building steadily and unnoticed until I am swallowed whole. Focusing all of your energy on taking care of other people while neglecting to set aside time for yourself too is unmanageable. This is a lesson a lot of us need to take the time to learn.
My therapist in high school used to tell me I was impressively in tune with my feelings and self, but she could recognize that I would refrain from expressing them in fear of hurting, burdening or inconveniencing the people I love. Retraining your brain to believe your feelings are not a burden to yourself or anyone else is a near-impossible feat. She encouraged me to name these bad feelings and told me it was important that I not only accept, but also confront them, and learn to get along with my inner turmoil. My anxiety became Bug, and whenever Bug started to grow, I got into the habit of meditating to try and talk things out with him.
One of the fundamental issues with the presentation of self-care, especially on social media platforms, is that they don’t always acknowledge how ugly mental illness can be. You can’t cure depression with a face mask, you can’t get rid of bipolar with a bubble bath and you can’t erase schizophrenia with a mani-pedi. I only struggle with anxiety, but the issue is the same across the board. While physically pampering yourself is nice and can be a great tool for relaxation, it is not a quick fix for the hard stuff. It’s all fine and dandy to fill a bathtub with rose petals and bath bombs and call it a day, but what will this do when you can’t get out of bed, brush your hair or teeth, or eat?
Meditation is a substantially different and unfortunately overlooked form of self-care. My on-and-off journey with meditation began junior year of high school upon my therapist’s recommendation. I prefer the Headspace app as I’ve been using it for years, but you can find some great guided meditations on YouTube or even meditate in silence. Customize it to what works best for you. I try to work it into my morning routine when I get ready for the day, and again if needed. Meditation puts an emphasis on developing a relationship with yourself and communicating with all of the good, middle and bad inside of you in a positive and nurturing manner. The more that you meditate, the easier it becomes to listen to your body, mind and heart. You are fine-tuning your brain to operate better in the same way an intense weights workout helps to create a stronger and healthier physical body.
I have found that, after a great meditation, there is a moment right after you open your eyes where the whole world is full of serenity. I am not always there, but it has helped me find my peace. If you’re interested in starting your own meditation journey, here are a few great places to start:
- Headspace
- 10-Minute Meditation For Anxiety
- A Guided Meditation on the Body, Space, and Awareness with Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche
- Beginners Guide to Meditation
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