Dear Reader,
College is a rough time for many of us, as it is our first time being away from home for an extended period of time. It can be pretty lonely. In my experience, I came to Florida State University completely alone and worried about making friends and meeting people. I already had been struggling with anxiety and being in a new environment away from home just amplified those feelings.
I had the opportunity to go through sorority recruitment the week before school began, but in some ways, this was even more difficult for me. Being an introvert, I constantly felt like my social battery was dying. I spent all day speaking to women in different chapters, yet the second we finished speaking, I was alone again.
Running home — this involves running — to my chapter on bid day was overwhelming to say the least. I got there to see a ton of excited, smiling faces of people I didn’t know who welcomed me and called me their sister. I knew that the only sisters I had were back at home, so I felt a pressure to feel like part of the family.
I had a panic attack in the middle of a filled room and felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was lucky because someone nearby saw me, helped me calm down, took me to a place where I would be alone and talked me through my feelings. This was the first time since I left my family back in Miami that I even slightly felt at home.
The day after bid day was the first day of school. After a full week of nerves and meeting new people, I was again tested and had to attend my first college classes. I quickly learned that you spend every day meeting new people, and the people you sit next to on the first day of classes likely aren’t going to be your best friends.
Today, I am halfway through my sophomore year and still have those feelings of being alone. Even in a room filled with other people, I sometimes feel like there is no one to talk to and no one who truly cares about me. This has caused some thoughts of transferring and thoughts of “maybe FSU isn’t for me.” I brought up these feelings to those around me and they all laughed. I was so hurt and was ready to cry until they all told me that they felt the same way at one point or another in their college career. So, one thing to always remember is that you are not alone in those feelings. Everyone around you has either felt that way or will feel that way in the future.
Throughout the year, I met many people and made many friends but sometimes it feels like I have no one. It feels that because I have not necessarily found my future bridesmaids, I have not met anyone. This is such a struggle every day, knowing that while there are so many people around me, I feel so alone. It takes a lot of work and a lot of self-growth to realize that you are not alone and that there are people who care for you and there are people who want to become closer to you but are too scared to take the first step in building a friendship.
Over this year I have learned so much about myself, the person I want to be and the people I want to be around. I am now comfortable talking about what I am struggling with to those around me. I also am working every day to reach out to other people and grow my friendships with those around me.
So here are some things that I wish someone had told me when I was going to college:
- YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are so many other people struggling with the same things you are.
- If you are nervous about attending such a big school, start in the summer. This allows you to meet people and become more comfortable on campus in a smaller setting before all of the students get there for the fall semester.
- Don’t be fooled by social media, pictures are staged and how someone feels is not necessarily seen in pictures.
- Take it day by day. Even though today is difficult, tomorrow will be better.
- Don’t forget about school! Sometimes it can be tempting to skip class or not do an assignment to go hang out with friends. But true friends will be there after the class and your homework is finished. A friend asking you to risk your academics to spend time with you is not worth your friendship.
- Keep in contact with friends from high school and especially with your family. CALL YOUR PARENTS EVERY DAY and make sure to call your grandparents and anyone else back home.
- Even though you may not be very close with someone, friendships grow and take effort so continue to put yourselves out there.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help. There are so many on-campus resources that can help you with any anxiety, depression, or anything else you may be feeling.
If you are reading this article, I ask you to do one thing: go text someone you want to get closer to and ask them to hang out. No matter how nervous you are or how scared of rejection you are, this could lead to a true friendship, and if not, it could lead to a good time.
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