I’ve always been really lucky in the friend department. I met my best friend in fifth grade, and together we moved through various friend groups till we found the one that finally stuck during our sophomore year of high school. My entire experience in both middle and high school was defined by the people I surrounded myself with, so the idea of starting fresh in college made me sick every time I thought about it.
Would I meet anyone at FSU? Would my college friends be nearly as wonderful as my high school friends? Would I be able to keep up with my friends from high school if we’re thousands of miles apart?
Long-distance romantic relationships are discussed often in popular culture, though I rarely hear discussions about long-distance friendships.
As someone who’s experienced both, I’ve come to realize that my long-distance friendships take as much effort to maintain as my long-distance romantic relationship did.
Though like all friendships, mine aren’t perfect. The first semester of my freshman year provided me with a crash course on what works and what doesn’t in maintaining my friendships, despite being miles apart.
- Sending Mail
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Throughout the summer leading up to my freshman year, my dad would mention how he planned to send me mail regularly since having a mailbox full of notes from his mom was one of the bright spots of his freshman year.
As someone born in the age of technology, I never truly empathized with his love of mail.
Until, in the middle of the summer, one of the guys in my friend group moved away to begin his “Plebe Summer” at the U.S. Naval Academy. The only way to contact him was via mail, so we all took turns sending him letters throughout the rest of the summer.
It was through this experience that I realized the value of a handwritten note and truly understood my dad’s love of receiving mail.
Since those first letters were sent over the summer, mail has become a particularly meaningful aspect of my long-distance friendships. Considering that we keep in touch pretty regularly through more convenient methods of communication, most letters are filled with sheer nonsense, bad drawings, random observations, and ridiculous plans that we may one day carry out.
Even so, each letter acts as a physical reminder that my friend is still an important part of my life, and I’m an important part of theirs. Knowing that they took time out of their day to write, address, and mail me a note fills me with joy, even if we’re miles apart.
I’ve become obsessed with sending letters to various friends of mine with no warning, and nothing beats the jolt of mischievous happiness I get when I inevitably receive a text from my pen pal thanking me for my note.
Though not quite as effective, physical mail can be substituted for intense Instagram reel-sending conversations, of which my friends and I are guilty.
- Regular Calls
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Oh, the beauty of modern technology! Throughout this year, phone calls have proved to be the most effective way to keep in touch with my friends when we’re thousands of miles away from an in-person ranting session.
Allotting the time to call isn’t always easy. My friends and I attempted to create a schedule to ensure that we were in touch regularly, though that plan failed before we could even have our first call. In this period of growth and exploration, our lives change by day, and scheduled phone calls often get placed on the back burner.
After experiencing the first semester and figuring out what worked for me, I finally concluded that the only way our friendships would work is if we accepted that things weren’t always going to be perfect.
We call when we can, even if it’s only long enough to share some random facts of our day and see each other’s faces. One particular friend of mine and I have realized that some of our best phone calls are the ones when we sit on FaceTime for an hour or so, not speaking, just reading or doing homework.
A phone call will never be the same as a sleepover, getting ready to go somewhere together, or a shared lunch, but it can temporarily mend the hurt from the physical separation until we’re reunited.
- Getting Involved in Each Others’ New Lives
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I’m lucky that both of my best friends have been able to visit me here at FSU, though I’ve yet to take a trip to explore their lives at their universities. Even so, that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to be involved in their new lives.
At the beginning of my first semester of college, I struggled with feelings of FOMO and jealousy when seeing my friends post photos or make comments about their new lives and new friends.
As the semester progressed, I learned that the most effective way to combat these feelings was to get to know the inner workings of my friends’ new lives as well as possible. I made a serious effort to get to know all their friends, classes, routines, buildings, and all the other random intricacies of life at a completely different university.
I’ve noticed that knowing all these things lessens the burden of distance by acknowledging that, while our life paths have diverged, they don’t have to be separate.
When we do get the chance to call or are reunited over trips home, I can keep up with their stories from college without getting lost. I don’t feel left out since I’ve taken the time to understand what their lives look like now.
Friendships in any context are often passionate and complicated. Every friendship is different, and what works for me may not work for everyone. Even so, long-distance friendships are hard but not impossible. True friends put in the effort to make things work; don’t be afraid to reach out!
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