The start of my academic success
I came to India after a decade of experiencing different education systems and lifestyles. I knew almost nothing about how life works here. I had to re-learn how to live in this country even though I was born here. Different types of academic curriculums, different mindsets, different perspectives. I was supposed to adapt to all that and also deal with my teenage years. I’ll admit I was not the best academically but I always had the curiosity to try new things. Till the end of 9th grade, I personally did not mind my grades but my parents seemed concerned. It was only when I went to grade 10 that the phrase “its your boards” began playing in my head like a broken recorder.
The 95% sticky note
One odd day I came home from school, pulled out a sticky note, and wrote “95%” in a large font and stuck it at the top left corner of my study table. The note hung there everyday and slowly, seeing this “95” on paper became a part of my daily routine. I started studying like a student who would get a 95. I started thinking like a student who would get a 95.
I worked so hard that my grades improved drastically. Once my boards were over, I heaved a sigh of relief. I forgot about studying until I was reminded of the results. Panic kicked in and I prayed that I would get enough marks to get into a good school for grade 11. I remember the exact moment the results were released. It was 11AM and my anxiety had kicked in, trying to delay it as much as possible, until my mother forced me to open them 15 minutes later.
There it was, the A grade. The letter ‘A’ was such a foreign concept to me that when I saw it on my marksheet I cried tears of happiness knowing my efforts had finally paid off. Little did I know that I had voluntarily put myself into the rat race of grades.
The mental capacity of being a “topper”
Throughout grade 11 and 12, I came to be known as the topper. From teachers to peers, everyone had this identity of mine in their minds that I will always get perfect grades. However, I was studying in a different board with a new curriculum and different kinds of academic expectations. In order to keep the image of achieving the highest marks, I started to sacrifice my mental health. I somehow got through 11th grade but my grade 12 took the biggest hit. Soon enough, the anxiety that I was keeping suppressed for the best of marks took a toll on me. Not only did I begin flunking my exams but my relationships with my friends and family were becoming difficult to maintain. It was in October that year that I decided to make an important decision. I stopped learning for the sake of grades but instead I learned because I liked what I was learning. I stopped listening to all those who talked about marks and remembered what my father told me.
He said,”Learn for the sake of learning and give your 100%. Marks and grades will be for God to decide”.
Fast forward to when my boards ended and once again, I was having the time of my life. Soon enough, the results too were declared and for some reason, I was expecting a nominal grade yet I wished I’d ace it like 10th. I had already gotten into the college of my choice so my grades would not make a huge impact on my future. But to an extent it was just a matter of prestige, even though I did not care much for it.
When the results did come out quite unexpectedly, I aced with A’s once again and got a perfect score as well. I just sat there filled with gratitude and happiness remembering that when you learn to learn and give your 100%, your efforts will never go to waste. You will never regret working hard because of the lessons you learn.
What it Taught Me
Studying to gain knowledge is not only beneficial, but it also relieves the pressure off of you and trust me when I say that your studying will never go to waste. Let us not forget that the concept of examinations only existed to test our gap of knowledge and not create a gap of self worth. Your grade or percentage does not hold the ability to define your future because that is entirely in your hands. You not getting accepted into the best university does not mean you are a bad individual, it just means that you are meant for something else. Remember, the more you learn to learn, the lesser the impact of failure will ever have on you.