When it comes to our happiness many of us are familiar with the pattern of taking one step forward and two steps back. If we find a new activity, which fills us with joy, like going on beach runs or reading a motivational book, we may realize months later that we have not made any time for doing it or it simply didn’t make us happy anymore. We may have even found activities to do that perhaps will make us “happier” than the ones before. Ideally, if we fall in love, we start making excuses to pull away. And if we succeed in one area, we find ourselves sabotaging in another. When instances like this occur, we tend to blame it on bad luck or the universe being against us or perhaps we even tend to blame everyone else but ourselves. In reality, we are all to varying degrees “intolerant to our own happiness.”
Why might this be? Truth is many of us are more self-denying than we realize. We think that by pursuing the things that make us happy it is selfish or irresponsible. According to psychological research, we all have moments when we listen to an internal critic that encourages us not to set goals or expects too much for our lives and ourselves. This “critical inner voice” is actually triggered when we take steps forward. It reminds us to stay in our place and not to venture out of our comfort zone.
The reasons behind why we are fully never content with ourselves are complex, but they lie at the root of our maladaptive behavior. By being able to understand why we listen to this critic and take actions that defeat our wellbeing we can overcome these obstacles and allow ourselves to be open to our own happiness.
It is strange to think that everything that we want, or that will be best for us, is often what we are most resistant to. Just keep in mind that no one else can tell you what will make you happy or not. This is something that by establishing a set personality we can choose for ourselves. And once we do, it is our job to fight for it.
I challenge you to find active ways to differentiate from negative influences in your past. Surround yourself with those that bring out the best in you. Recognize that you are powerful and capable, and that setbacks won’t keep you from achieving ultimate happiness. Forget about what everyone else wants and start focusing on what YOU want. You’ll be surprised at the things you will achieve when you start putting your happiness first.
Love and Inspiration,