“One of the best things you can do to improve the world is to improve yourself.” -Jen Sincero
I’ve never actually read a self-help book. I’ve always enjoyed the idea of browsing the self-help section at Barnes and Noble but I never actually pulled one off of the shelf. In fact, I underestimated it. Until recently.
Naturally we never really realize that us, as humans, always have room for growth. A space in our individual lives that needs improvement. Whereas most people feel a constant desire to reach out and voice their need for help, there are many of us that think that we have it all together. We feel that if we are even inclined to reach out for help that we are viewed as weak or incompetent. We are so used to our own personal bubble where we are in control and no matter what burden life throws at us, we will manage. The truth is, we need to humble ourselves at some point because sometimes it all becomes a little too much for us to handle. We shouldn’t have to feel like we are walking around with a rock in our hearts. Sometimes that weight piles up and our emotions get the best of us. We need to realize that there is no shame in lending out our hands for help and that we should feel comfortable doing so.
This doesn’t mean desperately reaching out to the first person we come into contact with but there are many reasonable ways of getting your mind and your heart to align and seek the support and encouragement you desire. This could range anywhere from talking to someone that has earned your trust, to seeking out therapy, or of course, to actually pulling that self-help book off of the shelf with no regret.
You Are a Badass®: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by New York Times bestselling author, Jen Sincero, is a witty, yet earnest self-help book that gives an optimistic approach on how to start living in the now and how to work towards a better you–Whether that be in your career, your relationships, your personal aspirations, or even your financial life. Sincero is a career, success, and life coach who has influenced the lives of many individuals going through a struggle and has helped them overcome change, doubt, and fear. And, she sure has a way with words.
Here are some key pointers that personally stood out to me:
1. Don’t worry about other people’s opinions.
So, yes, I myself am guilty of this. We all are. It comes naturally to us and it’s not easy to steer ourselves away from this but we can at least try. Sometimes we get so caught up in our surroundings that we forget to just be ourselves. We may become insecure in social settings–looking someone up and down to observe if what they’re wearing is acceptable. Maybe sometimes we feel judged in our own work environments as if we aren’t doing enough or as if someone thinks there is a better way to do the task you are doing. Or perhaps there’s times where we filter our actual opinions for the sake of fitting in with friends and family and going with the “norm.” The truth is, that whether or not you are being yourself, everyone is going to talk and have an opinion. So let them. Who really cares? Sincero states that “Comparison is the fastest way to take all the fun out of life” and she’s right. It takes too much energy to be somebody you’re not. If your environment isn’t helping either, change it.
2. Make the effort to learn what it is you want, and then focus on how you will get there.
There’s always going to be a “But..” or an “I can’t..” when we aren’t sure how we are going to get to where we ideally want to get to. The uncertainty, the fear of failure, and not pleasing others–it overwhelms us and that’s our first human instinct. To doubt. We have to stop with the excuses though. Sincero suggests that we have to go from wanting to deciding. That’s not always the easiest but the sacrifice is worth it and it’s a step in the right direction. We can chunk out our tasks and make to-do lists to help us get there and we can surround ourselves around “positive vibrations,”or uplifting individuals that can empower us and hold us accountable for making the progress we need to succeed. The only failure is quitting. Take it from Sincero, who states “Our entire experience on this planet is determined by how we choose to perceive our reality.”
3. Live in the present.
We have to be at peace with ourselves and with our thoughts. Sincero reminds us of how we should stay in tune with our innermost thoughts and voices in order to shift our way of thinking. We shouldn’t focus on the little, unimportant things, but instead we should derive our attention to the greatest moments in our lives that are passing us by. Spend time with your loved ones, go for that career change, go on that trip, or tell him/her how you truly feel–do whatever it is that fulfills you but don’t let life pass you by. Be fully there. The ego is what tends to set us back and makes us be set in our stubborn mentality.
4. You are perfect in your own way. Own it.
Sincero lets us know that we have a unique gift to offer to the world. As cliché as it may sound we should embrace the fact that there really is nobody like us. Our self worth does not come from others but from ourselves and what we allow in our lives. She mentions how we should give ourselves affirmations each day whether that be by filling our mirrors with positive post-it notes or forgiving ourselves from our past mistakes. Whatever works for you.
5. Stay grateful. Through the good and bad.
Starting each day with a grateful heart is something that I have been personally working on so I love this one. We must remember to look at things in a different light sometimes. No matter the outcome, Sincero encourages us to think “This is good because..” so that we can carry with us a lesson or an experience on our self-growth journey.
This book really enlightened and moved me in a way that I didn’t know I needed. It just goes to show you that things aren’t going to always go your way and if you want them to change, you have to act upon it. We all have the potential to grow and become the very best versions of ourselves. Sincero wants us to raise our vibrations and lift one another up. She suggests that if you desire something greatly and you have a positive mindset about how you’re going to achieve it, it will become readily available to you. Free yourself from indecision, from fear of failure, from comparison and choose to be grateful for the journey.
You will get there. Trust the process.